The Sports Hernia Blog

Pitcher does Bernard Pollard impersonation

 

This kids ERA is over 7.50... but he totally just knocked the baserunner the fuck out.

Watch out Rickey Henderson

Don't turn around Mr. Henderson, because Adam Eaton is coming. Is there any chance that the same guy who wrote copy for this card is currently working in the NJ Nets stats/PR department?

Either we are talking about an evil genius at work (or geniuses) or two of the biggest jerkoff interns that need atomic wedgies.

 [Photo via Reddit]

Report: George Brett might be shitting his pants right now

 

The first words uttered by George Brett in this worldly video? "I shit my pants last night," and soon after, "when's the last time you shit your pants?"

Well, Brett tells us the last time he did by prefacing his tale with "this is an honest to god true story." That's our favorite line of the whole thing.

Also, what is up with the two random Royals who are acting like they are listening to Kevin Millar tell them about a fish he caught on charter trip in Tampa? This is George Brett and he is telling stories about blowing out a pair of jeans, and bragging about the, "most perfect double tapered shit I've ever had in my life."

Jon Heyman is our favorite BEAT writer

Jon Heyman might be going through the winter doldrums of reporting on unsigned scrubs like Mike Napoli and Kyle Lohse, but thanks to Twitter he might not be lonely much longer due to the questionable engagement above.  Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Heyman soon realized it wasn't the smartest idea to be tweeting (publicly anyway) with Seymore Butts.  He soon issued this Twitter mea culpa:

The damage had already been done though, and this will be soon to be picked up by every hacky sports blog (the Hernia included of course).  But we say let your freak flag fly proudly, Jonnyboy.  Screw the internets.  Ironically, Heyman spends most of his time in the northeast covering such teams as the Red Sox, Nationals, and his beloved Yankees. Hmmm....

Chipper Jones...

- 

... is still looking for an actual can of corn

... is upset with himself for faking the funk on a nasty dunk

... believes he discovered a rare dinosaur fossil

... is having a difficult time coping with retirement

... is stupid

... can't believe he can buy 2 CitiKitty toilet training kits for the price of one 

... was busy banging the Barbi twins in a supply closet during shop class

... is strangely fitting his basketball hoop for a casket

... is totally serious about helping congress w the whole fiscal cliff thing

... is dabbling in street art

... is very grateful he has elite hand/eye coordination

... is trapped in his garage

... will use giant medical instruments to revive the basketball pole 

 

 

[Photo Via Reddit]

Derek Jeter aging in dog years

This is not the first unflattering Derek Jeter photo.  The last time he was in this poor of shape, at least he was enveloped in the glow of the bone zone.  Of course, this will all be forgotten when he shows up at spring training (after a little vacation in Germany) in 'the best shape of his life'.  If the whole Yankee shortstop thing doesn't work out for him this year, we are sure he would fit right in with the two dildos from Right Said Fred.

[Photo via NY Post]

 

Curt Schilling being sued by Rhode Island; Has eyebrows on both sides of eyes

Not since Danny Schayes used his extra back hair as shoelaces have we witnessed something so inexcusably gross.

[via TheBigLead]

Instant Hernia Hall of Fame Nominee

 

We tip our hats to this innovative middle-aged man. I guess there's not much else to do with $175 tickets at Wrigley when the Cubbies have been out of the race since May.

Please note the Freudian slip at the 0:31 mark when Bob Brenly says: "That lead pipe sinker..." 

 

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Bobby V Continues to have his eyes on the prize

 

 

Bobby Valentine has dabbled in disguises, "invented" the wrap, competed as a salsa dancer (pictured) and now he seems to have turned his dyed eyebrows to the theater. 

The following quote and description is no joke.  It's all too real:

"I thought Josh had some of the best stuff that he's had in a while," Boston manager Bobby Valentine said, fiddling with a DVD of Les Miserables on his desk. "He just had trouble with two hitters, Jeter and Ichiro.  They kind of did him in."

 

[Photo via MassholeSports.com]

Hundreds probably died in Reading, Pa., last night

 

Creators of Bad Idea Jeans seize control of minor league home run derby.