The Sports Hernia Blog

Will Ferrell delivered the greatest lineup announcements of all time

What you're seeing here is Will Farrell at his finest and NBA players at their worst, with the exception of engaging forward Emeka Okafor, who appeared to actually appreciate the humor. 

Then again, we should probably give the Bulls a free pass here because it's hard to read their reactions based on the camera angle.  We'll go ahead and assume Joakim Noah was cackling like a hyena and guess that Derrick Rose had to be laughing after learning his favorite movie is "The Notebook."  Or perhaps he was weeping, just like we were upon that scintillating movie's conclusion.

Dear Anthony Davis, you're aware you have a unibrow, right?

Just wanted to be sure.

Sincerely,

Arthur Van Sippenwoof
Managing Editor of The Sports Hernia's Senior Griffey Jr.

[Photo via Mocksession]

Some dopey company did some dumb stunt

From time to time, the Hernia gets pitched 'PR Stories'.  This shit-astic one came into our inbox today:

"Pawngo, The First Online Pawn Shop Delivered A 900 Pound Gift To Wes Welker Today In Boston For His Super Bowl XLVI Performance"

To The Delight of Passerbyers 900 Pounds of Nestle Butterfingers was Dropped in the Center of Copley Square in Boston 

While Giants fans celebrated their victory at the Parade in New York City – Boston locals got a 900 pound sweet surprise courtesy of Pawngo in the center of Copley Square in the heart of Boston.  900 pounds, or 8,000 bars of Nestle Butterfingers were piled high with a sign entitled, "Thank you Wes Welker" - making everyone in the area stop to take pictures, grab a bar, and have a laugh."

We applaud Pawngo's crack PR/Marketing team for coming up with such a 'creative' idea and executing it so swiftly.  It was a very savvy move to litter in Copley Square and the folks at Nestle must be thrilled to be aligned with a partner like 'Pawngo'.  As the photo above suggests, the inventive stunt drew a huge crowd. 

Javale McGee sums up Wizards season in eight sad seconds

 

 

Where ya goin', buddy?  I guess during a season as putrid as this one, even by the lofty losing standards set by the Washington Wizards, almost scoring is just as good as actually scoring.

[via @JohnCTownsend]

Sex-fueled puppy flagged for excessive humping

This seminal moment occurred on ESPN’s SportsNation this morning.  The official penalty was 15 yards for roughing the ass.  Next time it’ll be an ejection for the agressive little bastard.

According to our source, the victim of the hump reportedly sat out for four plays but couragoeusly returned to action after consuming three Snausages and a heaping bowl of water.

[via TheBigLead]

In case you missed it...

As you settle down to watch the Super Bowl and begin mowing through buffalo wings that will undoubtedly give you some paint chipping gas, just know that competitive eating legend Takero Kabayashi ate 337 wings on Friday at Wing Bowl 20.  Even more impressive is that he broke Jonathan "Super" Squibb previous record by 82 wings. After the event he told Philly.com that he could eat 100 more wings.

Truth be told, we are a little biased about this momentus acheivement because the Hernia was lucky enough to be invited to hang out in Kobi's locker room before and after the event.  What we witnessed at Wing Bowl 20 -- besides 19,750 men demanding 250 women to show their cans on the jumbotron -- was a man at one with his craft.

When we asked Kobi how he was feeling after polishing off  an estimated 40,000 calories worth of wings, he simply said, "tired." 

Follow us on Twitter:  @TheSportsHernia & @StopHamelTime

Mike and the Mad Dog heroically unite, awkward hugs and all

As the always poetic Milhouse once eloquently stated, so this is what it feels like ... when doves cry.

Terrell Suggs calmly calls Skip Bayless a douchebag, becomes modern day hero

This happened last week and somehow never got posted, but screw it, the whole delivery here is a work of art that was masterfully executed and sublimely stated.

T-Sizzle in 2012? You bet your sweet ass.

James William Bottomtooth makes bold Super Bowl prediction

To be honest, we haven't spoken to good old JWB ever since he threw a fit after seeing our disgracefully obnoxious new business cards back in late November, but we're pretty sure what he's saying here is Cleveland 117, San Antonio 109. 

If true, and it very likely is, to call this a bold Super Bowl prediction would be a colossal understatement, but that's one of the countless benefits of hanging with the great Jimmy Bottomtooth.

Today was National Signing Day, so here are two reasons to actually care

(click photo to enlarge righteous rump)

Today hundreds upon hundreds of talented 18-year-old high school football players announced their intentions to, for the most part, completely disappoint at the collegiate level.  So for that, we offer our sincere congratulations.  Notre Dame fans in particular must be tickled with delight, as disappointment is lovingly etched in their hears.

One fanbase that thankfully understands how to handle such a day remarkably resides in the south, Tuscaloosa to be specific.  Yes, the Fax Cam Girl is a god damn work of art. 

'Roll Tide.

[via TheBigLead]