The Sports Hernia Blog

Tom Brady mercilessly taunts city of New York by hoping for Super Bowl win

This could very well be the worst start to Super Bowl week of all time.  Here's the alleged "taunt" from Sir Thomas Brady:

"We're going down there, and we're going down there for one reason. We're going to give it our best and hopefully we’ll have a lot more people at our party next weekend."

To make matters even worse, since a lofty amount of respect unfortunately exists between these two teams -- particularly among Belichick and Coughlin -- and both organizations are run by classy, capable ownership, perhaps Ines Sainz and her supple ass needs to be overnighted to Indianapolis at once.

First person to explain the presence of this GIGANTIC Golden Retriever wins a mini basketball

We're quite certain that the first 15 seconds of this video is not only the greatest moment of Ahmad Rashad's broadcasting career, it also manages to sum up his entire broadcasting career.  A 7'6" Golden Retriever sprawled out on the couch to open things up?  But of course!

Mike Francesa: "The girls get Gronk'd"

Mike Francesa saying "ya' got Gronk'd, as she said, the girls get Gronk'd ... everyone in New England gets Gronk'd" is the equivolent of your grandfather asking you if you're getting Crunk tonight.  Either ratings are slipping at WFAN or Francesa was unusually horny.  Not sure we want the definitive answer to that one. 

Rob Gronkowski to ESPN Deportes: "Yo soy fiesta, hahahaha"

Altogether now, "yo soy fiesta, hahahaha."

This is the best quote of the NFL season, and it's not close.

[via TheBigLead]

According to several reports, Joe Paterno is dead again

This time it's being reported by the Associated Press and not a college e-newsletter, so we're comfortable posting that Joe Paterno has passed away at the age of 85 for the second time in 24 hours.

RIP Joe Paterno, 1926-2012.

Los Angeles Rejoices

Los Angeles salons, asshole waxers, high-end tattoo parlors and Elfish-to-English translators breathed a collective sigh of relief Thursday after David Beckham agreed to remain with the Galaxy for another two years.

As previously predicted by The Sports Hernia, the Beckhams have certainly made their mark on L.A., helping certain specialized businesses thrive in this downtrodden economy since their arrival more than four years ago.  The one drawback has been the drain on the city’s power grid due to the tremendous wattage required to power the Posh-inspired "Scorched on Mars" setting at countless tanning salons throughout the area.

Posh and David are expected to celebrate their unabashed L.A. happiness by bleaching their anuses.  Again.

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Follow us on Twitter:  @TheSportsHernia, @MDotNoonan, @BulldozerJones  & @StopHamelTime

Mike Tice to interview for head coaching job, species officially extinct

It's a sad experience for NFL teams in search of a head coach during these trying times, especially when one gets word that Mike Tice, David Puddy's college roomate, will interview with the Oakland Raiders; other wise known as the blind caressing the blind.  So what should we draw from this, other than endless hilarity?  If your team has a shitty coach right now, your team has a shitty coach forever.  'Tis an extinct species.

However, with the bad news always comes a snippet of good news.  After taking a peek into the future, the Hernia mole learned that when Raiders brass asked Mike Tice how to spell "banana," he hopped onto the conference room table and devoured the assorted fruit basket like a focused Mr. Peepers. 

He's expected to be hired by Monday morning.

Edmonton's Taylor Hall attacked by rogue rototiller, out indefinitely

When we initially heard of this terrifying incident we were stunned.  Then we found out that Hall's neighbor is Randy Quaid's character from "Moving."  Makes perfect sense now.

[via TheBigLead]

Hey!! Look at me!!!!

Little known facts about the Giants License Plate Guy:

- Doesn't think the weeping male Giants fan from a couple years ago is a pathetic jackass

- Obviously parties with this guy

- Was the child model for the Dutch Boy paint brand

- Has downed a lot of Glogg in his day

- Started and manages his own Facebook 'Fan' page

- Tells chicks he is Fabio's second cousin

- Calls Fireman Ed a 'fame whore'

- Is still pissed at Mr. Hand for confiscating his double cheese and sausage pizza

- Was 'stoned as fuck' when had the third plate down made

- Played the role of Will Farrell playing the role of a figure skater in "Blades of Glory"

 

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Follow us on Twitter at @TheSportsHernia, @MDotNoonan, @BulldozerJones  & @StopHamelTime

For the first time ever, NY and Boston fans come together and say...

FUCK HARBAUGH!

#2007rematch
#2002rematch
#blood

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Follow us on Twitter at @TheSportsHernia, @MDotNoonan & @BulldozerJones