Who in the hairy hell is Artem Anisimov, one might ask? Who cares. This is the celebration of the year, and it's not close. So even though the only hockey we talk about is how many skinny guys and how many Fat Mario's make for the most effective lineup in Nintendo Ice Hockey, Anisimov is still awarded Hernia Immunity because that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Additionally, according to the Hernia mole, Tom Selleck strongly believes Anisimov probably should have fired that gun a few more times.