While mourning the clusterfuck that is the NBA, the Hernia staff shared a bottle of Everclear, ate 6 1/2 bags of Funyuns and came up with the following positive things about the lockout:
- Less shitty commercials from T-Mobile, KFC, McDonalds, etc.
- Mike Breen can go back to being a Kohl's model
- Fans will not need to have sunglasses on hand to block the UV's from Craig Sager's suits
- No more pre-game shots of players dressed in annoyingly intentional preppy/nerdy outfits
- All the nasty skeezers from Basketball Wives will be forced to appear as nasty skeezers on Flavor of Love VII
- Shirt-rocket related deaths and blunt force injuries are estimated to decrease by 95%
- No need to wear ear plugs at home in fear of Stephen A. Smith segments
- Less grown men wearing tank tops
- Absence of Magic Johnson's blistering commentary should see a 10% decrease in scrotum mutilation
- Nowhere for Adam Sandler to plug his shitty movies
- We can spend the $150 set aside for the NBA League Pass on a fairly decent hooker
- World Wide Wes can go back to rigging the GOP Primaries and selecting Justin Bieber's next hairstyle
- Kris Humphries will thank god he is getting a divorce and continue banging road beef
- Chris Kaman can battle in Helm's Deep for all the Tostitos once again!
