Before I get into this, it's important to emphatically note that Kars-4-Kids is a fantastic, well-intended charity with incredibly nice people who have accepted our exhausting criticism with a smile. Having said that, none of those wonderful snippets of warmth will ever be able to change the fact that their anthem is a mystifyingly shitty insult to not only music, but sound in general. Even the most reasonable of humans surrender to this jarring fact of life about three seconds in. Amazingly enough, as I type this screed, the original theme song has just begun playing on WFAN and forced me to temporarily abort this passage to save my ears from a vicious self-stoning.
Now as you may or may not recall, we made an inspiring plea to WFAN back in July of 2008 regarding this hellacious jingle that plays incessantly throughout your work day. Three long years later, not a whole lot has changed. Until now.
The lethargic folks at Kars-4-Kids have finally gone back to the lab for a 2011 remix, which thankfully means the original one will soon be extinct. The bad news? The new ballad makes me want to push my eyeballs directly through the back of my head with the end of a handy lacrosse stick.
But to be fair, as always, I asked for additional feedback from fellow Hernia founder Gerrard Sir Hornypants. After roughly three minutes of prodding the musical elitist to listen to it, I finally received the following "feedback" via iChat:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(HEAD JUST IMPLODED)
Is this the same band that did the Francesa jingle?
HOOOOOOOOLY SHIT
And here's the delightful Dave Lozo from NHL.com:
That jingle hurts. It's offensive, disgusting and sickening.
Yup, thanks for nothing but heartache. Again.
To be completely fair, the little kid does an admirable job (because he's a kid), but the backup singer needs to be shot out of a cannon instantaneously.
*****
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