The Sports Hernia Blog

Halloween Costume Ideas (Part Duex)

If you're looking for some last minute costume ideas for Halloween, the Sports Hernia has a few for you.  And if you've done all these already (very likely), take a look at our previous post for some inspiration.

Joe Buck

• Fake wood wallpaper to cover face with
• Forehead extensions
• Microphone
• Voice immodulator

Jon Gruden

• Toilet water to mat down your hair with
• Manboner
• Sit as though receiving invisible lap dance at all times

Ron Jaworksi

• Shark mask
• Pair of ladies glasses
• Cover entire body in game tape 
• Acorns to stuff in cheeks

Adam Schefter

• Dick Tracy suit
• Jim Rome wig
• Chop off lower half of legs (or simply walk around on your knees if more convenient)

Tony Siragusa

• Nylon jumpsuit
• Remove neck, place head on shoulders
• Sound like you could rape someone at any moment
• Stand around & stuff 

Josh Hamilton-Sports Hernia rumors continue to snowball

We've had just about enough of this tomfoolery and would like to officially clarify that no, Josh Hamilton has not had Sports Hernia.  Quite honestly, if anyone on the Rangers is having Sports Hernia, it would be that ravishing Adonis, Ron Washington.

[via ESPNDallas]

Greatest glee club ever attends worst football game ever

We're a little late on this, but this spellbinding photo was snapped during the expectedly riveting Arkansas St.-Florida International game last Tuesday evening, which was amazingly televised to a national audience on ESPN.  After a prolonged, hypnotizing study of what's taking place here, it's quite possible we will never, ever get over the "O."  He really couldn't be happier to be that all important "O," and frankly, neither can we.

We're still awaiting official confirmation, but it's strongly believed that the dude at far right, the one in an usually high state of bliss, is imagining that his toes are being nibbled by the Arkansas State mascot.

Dirk throws imaginary Gatorade cooler in lieu of traditional ceremonial first pitch

We appreciate Dirk Nowitzki's raging enthusiasm for baseball, but tossing the Gatorade cooler seemed a bit premature since it was only Game 5; and not football.

[Photo via Yahoo via Ronald Martinez/Getty Images]

James Harden's beard expected to be connected to pubes some time soon

Not shown in this photo are Harden's pubes exploding out of the top of his shorts.  The Hernia mole, who happened to be stationed in Oklahoma City this week, filed an official report that went as follows: "Imagine really hefty tree roots, but with hair.  Now, puke."

[Via Yahoo via Brett Deering/Getty Images]

Mike Francesa and Darrelle Revis nominated for outstanding work in improv comedy

We've listened to this unintentionally hilarious interview multiple times.  Our conclusion?  Mike Francesa's obsession with the Revis-Marshall clip stems from the fact that his favorite play in all of football is when one player gives another player "the business."

[via The Big Lead]

Open letter to the 'rapper' Drake

Dear Drake,

Opinion: Your "music" is terrible.

Fact: Bird played above the rim. 

Feast on it.

-- The Sports Hernia Staff

[Via CNNSI]

New York Post ends week on predictably subtle note

It's always a special day when the front and back covers of the New York Post are both equally preposterous and sports-related.  We fully expect a follow-up cover on Stern some time next week entittled "How the Stern Stole Everyone's Acorns." 

We also expect the next photoshopped version of Santa Stern to be much fatter.

[via New York Post]

Just asking...

... why did they assassinate Bartolo Colon?

Foul ball carrying the weight of 1,000 horses wipes out Cardinals faithful

We're gonna go ahead and give the old man a mulligan here because he appears to have made a sincere effort rather than dodge the issue.  And the little kid probably deserves one too, he's simply not ready.  However, as we turn our attention to the left, we're absolutely terrified to know if what we're seeing there is an armpit sweat stain. 

How much does one need to sweat in order to make it to the third or fourth layer?  Even the likes of the Big Bossman and Rikishi are humbled by this filthy celebration of sweat.