The Sports Hernia Blog

Mets "admit" Johan Santana won't pitch this season

This is without question the most spellbinding headline of the day.  With approximately 13 days left in the season, such blistering news tends to hit sports fans like a runaway Madden Cruiser.  Listed below are some other equally stunning admissions making tasty waves in Flushing, Queens this afternoon.  Gotta tip your cap to the Mets for coming clean:

-- Mets admit there are only 12 games left

-- Mets admit it is 65 degrees in Mahattan today

-- Mets admit they will not have a winning record this year

-- Mets admit Rico Brogna may never become next Keith Hernandez

-- Mets admit trade for Pujols by end of season unlikely

-- Mets admit they sunbathe in the nude

-- Mets admit Kevin Appier will not return to starting rotation

-- Mets admit they've been getting their baseball advice from Kramer's caddy, Stan
    [And yes, Fred Wilpon tried on the bra]

[via NY Post]

Report: This fan (or is it fans?) exist

Do you realize the monumental effort that goes into looking like such an elaborate jackass?  Someone actually sat down and took the time to meticulously affix that little skull -- perhaps the official term is "sidecar skull" -- and other impressive pieces of flair to their custom Raiders jersey, of which already featured permanently installed shoulder pads.  All of that for the sole purpose of acting like a formerly imprisoned ape fueled by the consumption of their own piss. 

Applause?  Applause.

[Photo via Yahoo via Doug Pensinger/Getty Images]

Mariners outfielder puts forth valiant effort to cover up "JORTS.com" ad

Even though we don't know who he is, Seattle Mariners outfielder Michael Saunders literally threw himself into fire that is the neverending Jorts epidemic that continues to sweep our fashionably inept nation.  It was by no means a Tommy "Burger Time" Murphy effort, but still deserving of noted praise and at the very least, two snaps up in a circle.

[Photo via Yahoo via Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images]

Manny Ramirez exits jail with incredibly hard nipples

The somehwat frustrated look on Manny's face reportedly had little to do with being arrested for hitting his affable sounding wife, and much more to do with his cell mate refusing to allow the aloof slugger to leave the facility with his trusty nipple tassels. 

Manny Arrested [TheBigLead, WPBF]

The Hernia causes Mike Francesa to Snarf on air

We applaud our fearless leader Tim Ryan for calling into 'Miked Up' earlier today and giving Miguel Francesa a little bit of shit for his ball washing of Joe Torre over the whole 'Unanimity' thing, which has yet to make sense.  We never would have expected MLB to bend any rules -- we totally bought the fact that Chris Gaines err... Garth Brooks was worthy of a look back in 1999, and the fact that the Diamondacks wore their retro crap for two extra games -- but yes, homage to the dead is routinely outweighed by the unmanageable, explosive teet that is Bird Selig's pulsating nipple.

What was a bit baffling, however, was the manner in which Mikey "Pepperoni Pancakes" Francesa brushed off such a glowing compliment in the form of an audible snarf, though we do salute Tim for introducing radio land to the term 'Para Shit Trooper'. 

Snarf on and prosper Mike... you fat, capped teeth fuck. Though, we still love your show.  As well as your tits.

Hernia on WFAN

The Sports Hernia Podcast is Back: 9.12.11

Due to no demand whatsoever, the SportsHernia Podcast returns for the third installment of it's embarassing comeback tour. This week, the Hernia staff talks about an unfortunate incident that was witnessed involving a dog peeing and a crazy person, Tiki Barber, 4-hour baseball games, and finish off with a game of "NFL Quarterback or Country Pop Star?"

Sports Hernia Podcast 9.12

Report: Freddie Freeman is actually white

Yes, it's September so we've had five full months of baseball to come to terms with this, and yes, we have made this joke on Twitter already, but we needed some sort of official documentation announcing Freddie Freeman's whiteness.  Seriously, "Freddie Freeman" is white. Upset of the season by a landslide.

Peyton Manning donates neck to Vito Spatafore

We're well aware of Peyton Manning's affable demeanor and well-intended personality, but the thought of the Colts living legend donating his neck to a devout Notre Dame fan is downright repulsive.  You've made your bed, 18, and we're guessing you're already laying in it.

Manning Underwent Cervical Fusion [TheBigLead]

Dirk Nowitzki chooses odd time for interpretive dance routine

Why is it always either the Spurs or Mavs at the center of these emotional dance routines?  Is Texas a secret breeding ground for expressive basketball boogying?  We're guessing that poignant question will remain unanswered for quite some time, but regardless, it's fairly safe to say Dirk Nowitzki has never been seen so at ease with life.

[via Yahoo via Janek Skarzynski Getty Images]

Ichiro morphs into labrador retriever, uses wall to scratch ear

When you're 21 games out of first and experiencing by far the worst season of your otherwise amazing major league career, this is the kind of stuff one does to maintain a certain level of sanity.  Later in the game after making a splendid grab to end the inning, manager Eric Wedge was spotted gifting a squeaky toy much to the delight of the Mariners center fiedler.

[via Yahoo]