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Joe Girardi lost it at Fenway Park last night upon learning of his missing banana after waking up from a restless nap inside his aging cave. While many obscenity-laced cliches were said to be tossed in the direction of the umpiring crew by the well-spoken Neanderthal, it still paled in comparison to his postgame press conferences that often bring back memories of cinematic classic, "Groundhog Day."
[Photo via Lohud]
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While you're busy inhaling an impressive sequence of words that result in a memorable, crowd pleasing zing, we find ourselves wondering if this dipshit holding the sign came directly to the game from wood shop.
[via Yahoo via Jim McIsaac/Getty Images]
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As much as we think Roger Goodell often wields a weighty fist on matters that don't necessarily require one, we're fully on board with the league's decision to fine Norv Turner for strolling the sidelines without some kind of mask this past Saturday night in Arizona.
Considering there has been a massive outcry from fans and talking heads urging the Chargers coach to either wear a Darth Vader mask or a bed sheet with two holes in it, the request to simply wear a team helmet during all games, sideline interviews and press conferences seems beyond fair and reasonable.
Applause to the NFL for getting this one right.
[via Yahoo via Christian Petersen/Getty Images]
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Not since the ultra suave Kiki Vandeweghe took the hand of a mysterious young lass have we seen such a vibrant, emotionally charged slow dance.
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The unofficial answer from ESPN PR is... "Well, to be honest, if people actually read ESPN The Magazine, then we certainly wouldn't have asked D'arcy Hyde to photoshop Michael Vick into a fierce version of Powder."
Note: The photo has since been removed in favor of something a tad safer. Here's a side-by-side of the stark before and after photo decisions.
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A lonely moth seeking shelter and a good night's sleep flew into Matt Holliday’s right ear during last night’s game against the Dodgers, causing the outfielder enough pain to force him out of the game and into the comforting arms of Tony La Russa. According to the Cardinals trainer, the moth actually became "lodged in the canal of his ear" and had to be removed with a pair of small tweezers that "reached deep into the canal of his ear."
Pretty sure we would happily slap-box Godzilla while an angry mob of midgets bit at our feet rather than have tweezers sent deep into the canals of our ears.
Holliday is expected to miss the next six seasons.
[vid via Bob's Blitz]
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We're not sure what the hell those things are supposed to be, but they certainly look like two objects that would be far better served attached to a nursery mobile above the eyes of a fascinated newborn rather dangling from Hope Solo's ears.
And come on, Hope, black jeans? It's the middle of August in Chicago, showin' a little leg to an inebriated, horny crowd at Wrigley never hurt anyone.
[via Yahoo via David Banks/Getty Images]
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It's summertime in the city which means prank callers are invading the WFAN phone lines with more fueled determination than Tim Kurkjian at Le Trapeze.
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When this wonderful thing isn't cheering her chin off for the Houston Texans, she reportedly runs a profitable car wash for helicopters atop her obscenely violent head of hair.
[via Yahoo via Bob Levey/Getty Images]
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According to the vicious, fact-seeking hounds at Yahoo Sports, some douche named Nevin Shapiro*, who shamefully sported an unforgivable Caesar cut back in 2003 and is naturally in jail for a Ponzi scheme, has chirped about the University of Miami football program in an unfavorable manner that Carmelo Anthony would frown upon with great disappointment. As a result, major trouble looms for the otherwise lovable 'Canes. In the coming days, Yahoo's college football sniper, Charles Robinson, will unleash a waterfall of shame more pungent than anything ever released in a South Beach champagne room, so stay tuned.
What we've found ourselves most thankful for out of this mess, so far at least, is the discovery of the above GIF featuring The U's Michael Irvin and Warren Sapp. It is by far the greatest thing we have ever seen, as we were previously unaware of its glorious existence. Based on their jovial expressions, we're guessing the duo remains unaware of the allegations facing Miami.
*Nevin Shapiro also once attended a party dressed as the character "Brad 'B-Rad' Gluckman" from the movie "Malibu's Most Wanted." He voluntarily offered this information. Seriously.
[GIF via TheBigLead]
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