The Sports Hernia Blog

Scottie Pippen's Book of Opinions

On the heals of stating the LeBron James "may be better than Michael Jordan," the crafty Hernia Mole was able to get some excerpts from Scottie's forthcoming book, tentatively titled "Pippen's Opinions on Anything to Get Him a Broadcasting Gig and/or to Remind People He Was Also on the Bulls"  Here are some the highlights:

- Alonzo Mourning was a better all-around player than Bill Russell 

- RC Cola is superior to Coca-Cola

- George Clooney was the best Batman

- Madonna couldn't hold Lady Gaga's junk

- "Mobsters" was just a way better movie than "Goodfellas"

- Aqua Man would not be a phenomenal water polo player

- Alice the Goon (from Popeye) was not his sister

- Something said in Spanish is inherently not funnier than something said in English

- "Ernest Goes to Jail" was more realistic than "Ernest Goes to Camp"

- Chex is inferior to Crispy Hexagons

 

Kim Clijsters Is...

... sniffing a dingleberry

... hoping her Fila Hypercolor outfit doesn't show off her nasty pit stains

... the drummer in David Lee Roth's new band

... just stepped out of a Delorian

Shawn Bradley lands Yahoo's front page, Pirates expected to win all remaining games

If you ever planned on pulling a Costanza and doing the exact opposite of every instinct that comes across your radar, tonight would be the night. 

In honor of this monumental moment for Bradley, we've just ingnited a heated shoving match with ourselves.

Steve Phillips apparently TNT's new NBA cameraman

It appears former ESPN horndog Steve Phillips, who once famously had two kissing fish dangling from his testicles, has upgraded his taste from the likes of Kevin Gogan and moved onto marginally beefy cougars. 

Camera work was a bit shaky though, you can tell it's probably just a freelance gig.

Tom Brady more likely to purchase Slip-N-Slide than win another Super Bowl

Listen, each and every one of us are entitled to experience the dizzying delight of a giant water slide during the summer or while on vacation, but I can't recall the last time any of us went down one of these things channeling Monroe from Too Close For Comfort.  We're guessing that just before embracing the water, Brady plugged his nose.

At this point, we have the likelihood of Tommy winning another Super Bowl listed as a safe and emphatic NO.

[via Just Jared]

Report: Diehard Bruins 'fan' demands coach put in Cam Neely

And if the Bruins aren't up early in tonight's Game 5 by at least a goal, this savage diehard pictured above and his band of cronies -- who definitely didn't just hop aboard the Bruins bandwagon -- have demanded that All-Star defenseman Ray Bourque also see more time. 

While the well informed hockey fan will sadly not be in attendance to hoot and holler, he does have plans to start a "Yankees Suck" chant multiple times throughout the evening.

Score Update: Charles Barkley 693, Sports World 0

So simple, so effective, so Barkley.  If you didn't enjoy this video, you're likely an indefensible douchebag happily wearing a scarf, brotastic aviators, a V-neck of record length, and a pair of Uggs indoors.

Rapture guy reveals it was all just some really bad gas

Our sources indicate that the frequent consumption of 23-year old WWF ice cream bars found in Harold Camping's freezer were part of what led to the wacky preacher's false prediction.  As of today, despite multiple pleas from respected health experts, he has refused to stop eating them.

Mike Francesa announces Mariano Rivera is "MAR-I-ANO RI-VER-A!!!!!"

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

We sincerely wish more grown adults would argue like this, especially about a baseball manager's decision to use his closer. 

On a semi-related note, when Mike Francesa gets really angry, vengeful pepperoni slices fire out of his nipples.

Ominous lifesize doll takes center stage at Mavs-Thunder game

To put the disturbing presence in proper perspective, if Dot Matrix and Robot Frank were seated courtside it still would have been less haunting than spotting this perfectly groomed lampshade that somehow made its way to the front row during last night's Mavs-Thunder game.