This is Jeff Pash. Jeff's an executive vice president in the NFL. Jeff's also quite obviously suffering from a scorching case of Neg-Burns.
After a thorough examination, we're guessing the only way such a catastrophic look could have possibly happened was through his own doing.
No human being ends up with Neg-Burns like this unless they hop into a barber's chair, hand over this Jose Canseco baseball card and say, "make this shit happen."