The Sports Hernia Blog

David Lee suspended 5 games for dishing out Purple Nurple

The victim of the Purple Nurple, Sixers center Spencer Hawes, is reportedly in stable condition but will be equipped with a custom nipple tassel of his left teat for the next two weeks to prevent further injury.

Flip Saunders just days away from looking crappier than Ric Flair

Decades upon decades of sleeping in a cigar room are finally paying off for the 55-year-old Saunders.

SNY partyboy Kirk Gimenez does first broadcast sans eyebrows

Not pictured: Ridiculous jumping sneakers, far too much Valium, and a VIP pass to Arnold Deensfrei's AMCA fundraiser.

Merry Christmas from Beavis, Butt-head, Uncle Lewis, Cousin Eddie & the Sports Hernia

The Sports Hernia would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy Festivus, and of course, a sexy Gluteus Maximus.  

Hopefully by now Uncle Lewis has lit the Christmas tree on fire, Cousin Eddie has belly-flopped into the egg nog, and Randy and Ralphie are laughing like spastic hyenas.

Rex Ryan purchases foot from Lost for $4 million Spacebucks

The storied foot from the critically acclaimed television show is said to be larger than 603 Andre the Giant's, surely enough foot flesh to send the Jets hefty coach into happy feet heaven.  They're scheduled to meet this evening at Le Trapeze in Manhattan at or around 11pm.

*Endless thanks to @bsanders37 for the arousing image*

Rex Ryan's wife may have doppelganger starring in foot-fetish videos [NY Daily News]

Head over to Yahoo MLB to sit on Creepy Santa's lap

Slow sports week?  Screw it, to keep in the spirit of things, a wonderful last-minute Hernia gift idea would be a free, one-year subscription to the Jelly of The Month Club.  It would deliver us the Hap-Hap Happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny fuckin' Kaye. 

NY Daily News predictably rolls out red carpet for LeBron

As Rowdy Roddy Piper once said to Slick*, "where did you get those lips," Caricatrue LeBron?

*Piper did actually did say this, amazingly on pre-recorded television.

[via NY Daily News]

Rare bird species makes special cameo at Cowboys Christmas party

According to our source in Dallas, at one point during the festivities, the boisterous bird at left was spotted pecking olives out of Tony Romo's martini glass and tossing them to various Cowboy receivers, most notably tight end Jason Witten, whose olive-catching celebration routine consisted primarily of high-fiving robust cleavage. 

The Dallas Cowboys Had Their Christmas Party Recently [TBL]

Willis McGahee honors Lamar Thomas with old school "half-jersey" look

We've always been touched by the seemingly unbreakable bond forged between all the pigskin standouts who once attended the fine institution known as "Da U."  So we were especially tickled last night by Willis McGahee's visual shoutout to Lamar Thomas, a mostly forgotten Hurricane talent largely responsible for the beginning - and end - of the risque half-jersey look.

Thanks for the eye rake, Willis.

Brett Favre's ball juggling streak still alive at 9,687 days

The widely celebrated streak equates to roughly 26.5 years.  The fact that Brett Favre is not suffering from Carpal Tunnel syndrome is a god damn scientific miracle, especially since he both throws and juggles with his right hand.  Talk about playing with fire.  And no, we're not referring to his gonorrhea.

[Photo via TBL]