Tonight is Mikhail Prokhorov's first NBA draft lottery as owner of the New Jersey Nets. We're expecting greatness, vodka, and probably an orgy or two. Here's a look ahead at what will more than likely go down:
* Reiterates his statement that he's the only NBA owner who can dunk, all while staring directly at Jordan.
* Enters the building to James Brown's "Living in America," but dressed as Ivan Drago.
* Is fed grapes during the entire broadcast by a gaggle of Russian supermodels.
* Pretends he's drunk so that everyone will leave once he realizes that he's face-to-face with Rasaghul, who is not dead and is actually his former trainer.
* Somehow drafts Andrei Kirilenko.
* When the Nets' number pops up, he walks to the machine, grabs the ping pong ball, crushes it in his hand and says "I don't need your ping pong ball."
* Gets very emotional when his pet Siberian tiger is prohibited from entering the building: "I'm sorry, Ruble, but you must wait in the Aston Martin," he whispers in the tiger's ear. "Don't worry, I will be with you shortly."
* Announces boxing legend Soda Popinski as one of many celebrities to have already purchased a suite for the Nets upcoming season at The Rock in Newark.
* Celebrates Nets getting No. 1 pick by performing dizzying jet ski trick off some stripper's cleavage.