The Sports Hernia Blog

Spurs-Mavs interpretive dance recital scores huge ratings

If you think this is bad, you obviously missed the curtain call which featured Mark Cuban doing up-tempo Jazzercise in a Shawn Bradley jersey gown.

'Melo and Wesley Matthews choose odd time for perverted game of Leapfrog

Still, nothing compares to the puzzling, giggle-filled game of Hopscotch that broke out early in the fourth quarter between Kenyon Martin and injured Jazz forward Mehmet Okur.

30 for Shitty: “Last Play at Shea”

This is an actual description of an actual documentary that will actually air on actual televisions:

"Paul Crowder and Jon Small’s “Last Play at Shea” combines a history of the New York Mets with a history of one of their fans, Billy Joel, set to a soundtrack from Mr. Joel’s final performances at Shea Stadium."

This one tragically got the green light over the history of the Winnipeg Jets, set to the music and rise of Nickelback's Chad Kroeger.  Amazingly, "Last Play at Shea" was not screened for critics. 

You may now do the Triple Lindy into a pit of starved porcupines.

River Surfing, Rugby Bonding and Bicycle Soaring [NY Times]

Disgrunteld Mavs coach Rick Carlisle spotted throwing egg at Ukraine congress

Also making a surprise appearance in the first ever suit-and-tie Royal Rumble?  The Smoke Monster from Lost.  Last night was a repeat, so this completely adds up.

We can only assume these guys can fight as least as good as Barkley, Shaq, Bradley, Bol, et al.

Ukraine Parliament Brawl [NY Post]

Bobby V praises Josh Johnson's greatness by announcing his gayness

Not since ex-ESPNer Gary Miller accidentally uttered "Hall of Famer Gayfaggot Perry" have we witnessed such an embarrassing moment on Baseball Tonight.

The One Where Bobby V Outs Josh Johnson [The Couchwarmers]

Damaso Marte and Robinson Cano can meet the President and chew gum at the same time

The first of many chews can be spotted at the 00:03 mark.  They're conveniently standing next to one another.  Although it's safe to say Marte, in between Cano and announcing dipshit John Sterling, completely out-chewed the Yankees second baseman.

NY Post headline inadvertently describes A-Rod's tireless work ethic

There's a damn good reason A-Rod was strategically placed in the back row by White House officials.

[via]

Bills scouts drooling over big Wang

In case you missed it, the Buffalo Bills grabbed huge Ed Wang out of Virginia Tech in the 5th round of the NFL Draft on Saturday.  Wang, an instant Hernia Hero who is already getting some early consideration for the Hernia Hall of Fame, has Bills execs unanimously drooling.  Here's the scouting report from Scout's Inc on Wang:

Height: 6'5

Weight: 320 lbs.

Scouting Report:  The enormous Wang is surprisingly smooth for his size, shows great technique staying upright in the trenches, but isn't afraid to lead with his head to fend off oncoming blitzers.

While overall health is not a concern, recovery time is, with Wang sometimes needing up to 4 hours between blocks.

Paparazzi spots Kiper just moments before departing to NFL draft

Our spies have indicated Kiper left an undisclosed bird sanctuary late this morning and landed atop the roof of Radio City Music Hall around lunch time for his annual NFL draft feeding frenzy.

Crappy movie apparently becoming crappy TV show

If "Are We There Yet?" lasts a second longer than Craig Sager dry-humping a Megan Fox cardboard cutout, we're afraid all hope will be lost.