The Sports Hernia Blog

Phil Mickelson's secrets to cheating now available on DVD

Phil Mickelson's secret to voluptuous breasts, however, remains a sacred secret.  Think Dharma Initiative, but with nipples.

Phil Mickelson Cheats, Too [Boston Herald]

Magic and the Zen Master sit down for erotic foot massage

Does Magic Johnson even work for ESPN?  Why is he the only one allowed to sit down with heavenly Lakers like Phil and Kobe for these visually-pleasing chucklefests?

And why, just why, did Magic lock the Zen Masters's ankles so he could bang out some sit-ups?  Awkward at its finest.

Kudos to everyone involved for another feces-flavored "interview" conducted by Magic Johnson.

Hedo shoot ball

Ball.

Vince Carter trades self-pride for disheveled t-shirt

Local mud wrestling circuit still outselling Atlanta Thrashers

It's been estimated that Philips Arena has sold approximately three hot dogs, seven beers and eight caskets through 25 Atlanta Thrasher home games this season.

And no, this is not the same inspiring picture from their last home ice glory moment.

Texas Rangers new owner Chuck Greenberg probably not wearing toupee

After intense, thorough research, we're very sad to say that Rangers new owner Chuck Greenberg is not related to the Men's Warehouse guy.  But we're pretty damn sure that Greenberg already likes the way he looks.

[Image via]

Mike Francesa to loosen up nipple clamps for next show

Tight nipple clamps or loose ones, we're just glad Big Mikey is no longer wearing them on the outside of his shirt.

Don Nelson threatens to "go Greg Oden" on NBA ref

Count us among the many who exhaled a sigh of relief last night when thoughtful NBA referee John Goble chose not to call Don Nelson's wang bluff, thus avoiding an appearance from the blusterous coach's junk just hours after Greg Oden's majestic dong slapped the internet into a frenzy.

After the game, a possibly buzzed Nellie told reporters his meat-friend often wears a cape, and that the eyes of the world missed out royally.

Fantasy lifer Eric Karabell already discussing WR rankings for next year

ESPN's fantasy badboy Eric Karabell cannot wait to talk to you about fantasy football.  In fact, we're quite sure he cannot even believe fantasy football.  So much so, that he has already penned a wide receiver rankings report telling us we must wait on some off-season quarterback decisions, particularly ones by Kurt Warner and Brett Favre, before millions of adult males start spastically slotting names on their collective big boards, aka, virgin plaques.

The Super Bowl hasn't even been played yet, E-Dog.  Lets all do our best to try and enjoy some non-electronic football one more time before everyone and their beloved emoticons lock hands for another memorable, lonely run at nerd glory.

Terrence Cody unleashes mouthwatering flapjacks at Senior Bowl workout

Gigantic nosetackle Terrence Cody kept the Alabama tradition alive at yesterday's Senior Bowl workout, honoring Andre Smith's memorable, free flowing rack from last year's practice that caught so many of the often wandering eyes of sexually-deprived sports reporters.

Take a bow, Terrence.  Or perhaps, a Stacker 2.