The Sports Hernia Blog

David Beckham's unfortunate transformation into that weird dude from Limp Bizkit

 

Cousin Eddie's shoes spotted in Phillies dugout

It's a bit puzzling at first, but not if you think about it.  You see kids, Charlie Manuel is from West Virginia.  There's a very good chance that Cousin Eddie, following his Christmas vacation at Clark's house, ditched the farm in Kansas and drove his motor home directly to Northfork, where he met Charlie.  It's all making sense now.  We're guessing in exchange for the shoes, Eddie received one of Sal Fasano's ass-melting leisure suits.

Update: Those are actually the shoes of broadcasting legend Harry Kalas.  The Phillies keep them in the dugout, along with a blue blazer, in his memory for each game.  We had no idea, although probably should have.  With that said, we love Kalas even more now knowing those were his shoes.

Gustavo Johnson calls Honduras soccer game

Gustavo Johnson, who is clearly the Latino cousin of Gus Johnson, had the call last night in the Honduras-El Salvador game and was separately watching, quite obviously, when the U.S. tied it up in their game against Costa Rica, which put Honduras in the World Cup.

We certainly hope Gustavo joins his cousin for March Madness.

Enjoy:

"Honduras estamos en el Mundial!!!"
"Estamos en Sudafrica!
"Que final!"

Mad Dog Russo valiantly winning the battle of the flab

If Russo shaves off his Alf hair wisp, he widens the gap on big Mikey and his flapjack tits by an additional 12 pounds.

Mad Dog fondled by Mr. Sulu... [Sports Talk Bash]

Mike Miller becomes first undead transvestite zombie to play in NBA game

For those that might be confused, Mike Miller was already a transvestite, he's just recently added this whole undead zombie thing.

His new blond flowing locks are enough to make Shadoe Stevens abruptly fire his stylist ...

Rick Reilly's latest column missing key photograph

The following blurb is ESPN's Rick Reilly on Colt McCoy's girlfriend, Rachel Gandorf.  This sensual line has vaulted her name to the top of Google trends:

"It was over -- the police came and got him within five minutes -- but it spooked McCoy enough to move into the back house of a friend of the family with wide receiver Jordan Shipley. It's so tiny, they share one bedroom. It's not the perfect crib for a guy who has a girlfriend hotter than shrimp vindaloo, Rachel Glandorf."

That may be true, Rick, but Rachel's got nothing on General Tso's Chicken at China Grill. 

Now quit typing columns with your starved wang.

The eyes of Texas are upon him [ESPN]

The Sports Hernia Show - Episode Séis

After spending a few days studying Daryl Strawberry's nostrils, The Sports Hernia Show returns, as episode six is now up and can be played right here.

Among the topics discussed amidst the wild celebration of Major League Baseball were the Browns-Bills thriller, Brady Quinn and his big 'ole pipes, the inspiring Jamarcus Russell, the throwing prowess of Major Harris (!), the fistpumping Josh McDaniels, announcing with a protective cup, and a baby with Hube Brown's hair.

Don't forget you can also subscribe to the show through iTunes (for free of course) and listen to it whenever you want, including when you're working out to those creepy "Sweatin' to the Oldies with Canseco" videos.

Captain Louis Albano (July 29, 1933 - October 14, 2009)

In honor of fallen friend and Hernia hero, Captain Louis Albano, we'd like to re-run a post from July of '08.

On a day like today, we look at rubber bands a bit differently.

****

What you didn't hear about Louis Albano's birthday bash

Legendary wrestling manager Captain Louis Albano celebrated his 75th birthday Sunday night and in appropriate rowdy fashion, fists and beer bottles were thrown and the inevitable laundry list of assault charges were filed, with the alleged guilty party being former mediocre wrestler, Jim "Sandman" Fullington.

Well the Hernia mole, a huge wrestling fan with a knack for landing invites to such prestigious events as this, was lucky enough to be there and filed the following juicy report on the booze-soaked gala:

- Rowdy Roddy Piper got so drunk he forgot to change the questions once Jimmy Snuka was pretty sure he had the answers

- Hulk Hogan got so drunk he let his son Nick drive him home

- Hillbilly Jim got so drunk pregaming at home he showed up in an Armani suit

- Yokozuna got so drunk he ordered a salad

- Earl Hebner got so drunk he actually screwed Bret Hart

- Ric Flair got so drunk he confused his flesh for a fancy leather jacket and handed it to the coat check chick

- Slick got so drunk he only porked three barmaids

- Hacksaw Jim Duggan got so drunk he ordered a martini and used Mean Gene to stir it

- Chico' Santana and Jesse Ventura got so drunk they finally hugged it out

- Mr. Fuji got so drunk he sprinkled green mist in his own quesadillas, sending himself to the emergency room

Every embarrassing music artist still alive to have stake in Miami Dolphins

Along with Fergie, Gloria Estefan, J. Lo and Marc Anthony, musical icons Gerardo, Snow, Vanilla Ice, Menudo, Everlast, Brittney Spears, Joey McIntyre, Nick Carter, Aaron Carter, Miley Cyrus, Fred Durst, Christina Aguilera, Rob Thomas, Pink, J.C. Chasez, Lady Gaga, Scott Stapp, Mario, Omarion, Avril Lavigne, Uncle Kracker, Shifty from Crazytown, two guys from Color Me Badd, all three Hanson brothers, everyone from American Idol, and an actual band called LMFAO will all soon be part-owners of the Miami Dolphins.

To celebrate this news, please take a repulsive dump on your iPod.

Behold! The most disappointing caption in the history of sports

Where is Terry Funk's greasy mullet and where, oh where is his branding iron?

Get funk'd.