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Sparrow seen here squawking with arena officials over his unauthorized landing. Early reports claim the former Hawk was furious to learn that Koko B. Ware's bird, Frankie, was given complimentary front row seats and access to a suite.
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A cocky Sparrow turns his back on officials after his request to peck Frankie to death at halfcourt was denied.
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A part of the Hernia has been smothered to death this morning, like an Italian soccer player buried alive under the asses of 16 delicious supermodels.
Raise a glass, crumble some cookies, wave your finger or clutch a basketball as if it were planet earth, for the great Dikembe Mutombo.
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And a few suggestions for the New York Post, as "Fall Guy" doesn't come close to celebrating this nut slap:
Blinded by The Sack
Molina Gets to 3rd at Home Plate
Cards' Thwart Teabagger
Catcher Nails Murphy at Home
Step on The Bag, Slap on The Bag
Murphy Sent Back to 2nd After Groping
A Bang-Bang Play at The Plate
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When he eventually farts, Cincinnati, your synged nosehairs will be the first to know.
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He will now be known as BeetleDog.
More importantly, SportsCenter is in L.A.! We'll now be hearing from relevant sports personalities on a more regular basis, hopefully daily! But as much as that appeals to us, we'd still prefer to take a spiked bat to our respective nuts.
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Based on this actual, glowing assessment below from Rivals, we say the sky's the limit for Eric Devendorf, especially since he's not a giant dick:
Eric Devendorf
Junior G Syracuse
6-4, 180
Status: Declared for draft. Will hire agent.
Scout’s comment: “I have no idea why he came out. I have no thoughts on Eric Devendorf. He’s not someone we even discuss.”
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The SportsHernia asked some more scouts for their take on the Syracuse phenom:
Scout 2: "Who the hell is Kevin Devendork?"
Scout 3: "I loved him in "Blade" and "Deuces Wild", but the NBA is a big jump for him"
Scout 4: "Does he have anything to do with 'Dorf on Golf''? I love that movie!"
Scout 5: "Fred "the Dorf" Dorfman's kid, right?"
Scout 6: (audible fart)
Scout 7: "I like his brother CT as a better prospect actually"
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It's no secret that we've been keeping an eye on John Kruk's hair progression over the past two years or so, but his recent transition to Ogre from "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise" has left everyone floored, skeptical and somewhat neutered.
It's now clear the brass at ESPN has plotted Krukie's image change from the dip-chewing, mullet-stylin', dirtball days of the '91 Phillies from the very start. But you just know that cheesesteak-chewing animal still lurks within, and will eventually crash a keg party at the MLB Network in vintage Orge "Nerds" form.
ESPN should really know that efforts to tame beasts of Kruk's magnitude will prove fruitless. Just like Alex in “A Clockwork Orange” and The Monster in “Young Frankenstein,” Krukie will certainly relapse into a bigger, angrier, more ogre-ish version of his former self. You have been warned Bristol.
Beware… Fire bad!
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