It's no secret that we've been keeping an eye on John Kruk's hair progression over the past two years or so, but his recent transition to Ogre from "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise" has left everyone floored, skeptical and somewhat neutered.
It's now clear the brass at ESPN has plotted Krukie's image change from the dip-chewing, mullet-stylin', dirtball days of the '91 Phillies from the very start. But you just know that cheesesteak-chewing animal still lurks within, and will eventually crash a keg party at the MLB Network in vintage Orge "Nerds" form.
ESPN should really know that efforts to tame beasts of Kruk's magnitude will prove fruitless. Just like Alex in “A Clockwork Orange” and The Monster in “Young Frankenstein,” Krukie will certainly relapse into a bigger, angrier, more ogre-ish version of his former self. You have been warned Bristol.
Beware… Fire bad!