... The Sacramento Kings acquired Andres Nicioni from an unknown Australian rock band. The volatile forward never fully panned out for the band, which invested heavily on Noch after acquiring him from inside Street Fighter.
... The Bulls acquired Tim Thomas, Anthony Roberson, Jerome James and bag of Funyuns from the New York Knicks.
... Knicks send Malik Rose and a list of things in Kramer's apartment to the Thunder for Chris Wilcox.
... NBA TV trades Gary Payton to the Coming to America barber shop.
... Grizzlies sign former Lakers center Chris Mihm to modeling contract.
... Iverson trades his braided remains to Fratello's chief toupee weaver in exchange for a VIP pass to Marv's annual "Let's Boink, It's Finally Almost Spring" BBQ.
... Clippers trade Chris Kaman and his huge contract to Mordor for 3 orcs to be named later.
... Kings drop Sam Cassell for space food.
... Chad Ford and John Hollinger trade stroke books, with unconfirmed reports of Ford finally giving up his Cherise "Oui" collection he diligently collected overseas.
... Rick Brunson sent to Comcast for two HD boxes and future considerations.
... Phil Jackson trades Indian headdress to Craig Sager for enormous shoulder-padded suit to be named later.
... Mitch Lawrence didn't trade anything, but he's still mad at Peter Vecsey for that wedgie.
... Some white dude to the Jazz.