Expect the following sequence of exciting events to occur for the Pittsburgh Pirates this upcoming baseball season:
- Pirates win first series of season.
- Embarrassing losing streak by early April.
- Openly drinking in games by May.
- Playing upside down by June.
- Trade best player by July.
- Allow Karstens to reprise his role as the deformed traitor Ephialtes in a sequel to 300 by August.
- 6 1/2-year extension for Matt Morris by Labor Day.
- Respectable play against division leaders by late September which will ultimately mean nothing.
- Do it all over again next April.
You may now make the same face as Jeff Karstens.