We imagine most of you sports nuts out there already caught ESPN's "LIVE from Super Bowl XLIII!" chat with Jared from Subway yesterday, but for those of you who didn't, we've put together a little summary of the most poignant questions asked during the wild marathon.
Enjoy the relevance.
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Leon (Maryland): Do you start singing the Five Dollar footlong song whenever you see it on TV like the rest of us?
Jared: (11:28 AM ET ) Yeah, I think it's in my dreams these days. I do get asked to sing it quite a bit. But you don't want me to do it.
The Sports Hernia: Hey Leon, go sing "Taps" and kill yourself.
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Evan (Phoenix): Who do you want to be with in your next commercial?
Jared: (11:28 AM ET ) I just did one with Michael Phelps. It hasn't run yet. It was fun. My dream would be Peyton Manning.
The Sports Hernia: Fantastic question, Evan. But more importantly, who will be in your next masturbation fantasy?
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Steiny (NYC): So, Jared, do you eat at Subway?
Jared: (11:32 AM ET ) My favorite now is the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. I still eat it about twice a week. The best thing about my job is that I don't have to pay for it.
The Sports Hernia: But of course Steiny, most, if not all millionaires eat at shitboxes like Subway. Get porked by Porky Pig, you curiously stupid jackass.
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Bob (Tucson): Do you think they should have 6 feet subs on the sideline next to the Gatorade for the linemen?
Jared: (11:33 AM ET ) Yeah, they could. That would be good. It should be the official sandwich of the NFL.
The Sports Hernia: No Bob, they shouldn't, that idea actually sucks. Players would cramp up. Not only is your joke unfunny, but it's inconsiderate. Please die.
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Jack (Old New Orleans): What kinds of reactions do you get when you go into Subway restaurants?
Jared: (11:34 AM ET ) It's pretty crazy. The amount of crazy stares and the people. They can't believe. I find I freak people out a little bit.
The Sports Hernia: Gee Jack, I don't know about reactions, but what's with your erection?
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Dave (Tampa): What's the worst part of being so well known?
Jared: (11:37 AM ET ) You lose your privacy. You can't just go to a store anymore. It's part of the tradeoff, but it's worth it.
The Sports Hernia: Wow, floor, meet my face. Hey Dave, what's the worst thing about your life other than the fact that you fucking suck?
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Godish (Chicago): Do you just go by Jared now? Is Fogel in the past?
Jared: (11:40 AM ET ) It is. Sting, Madonna, Prince, Cher. When you say Jared, people know, but if you say Jared Fogle, they don't know.
The Sports Hernia: Jesus christ, Godish, you know this idiot's last name? Wait, what do people say when you say Godish? "Not Godlike, just eh, kind of Godish..."
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Buzzmaster: (11:43 AM ET ) Thanks again to Jared for spending some with us, come back again soon. And a special thanks to The Sports Hernia for hijacking this chat and telling all of our participants what embarrassing disgraces they are.
