The Chicago Sun-Times reported today that sources close to Madonna say she is "truly smitten by A-Rod," allegedly telling a close pal Rodriguez ''has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body.''
Like we didn't already know that.
More importantly, the Hernia mole was able to track down one of his trusty entertainment insiders and obtain a few of the cherished poems that were penned so eloquently by the adored Yankee.
"Saw you in the movie Swept Away
And needless to say,
I wish it were me with you on that beach.
There’d be so many things, that I could teach
Like how to fish for sea trout
Or how to swing and strike out.
How to find shelter in the rainy season
Or hide from danger like I do in the postseason
I can start a fire with my frosted tips
And attract fish with my purple lips.
So forget that British Guy
I’ll be your bloke
With me there’d be no hunger
But plenty of choke."
"Don’t care if it’s Christianity or Kaballah
I’m always gonna follow ya,
‘Cause your pale, scary, sinewy arms
Are like my personal Lucky Charms.
‘Tis true, I just cannot stop
You’re my Queen of snap, crackle and Pop."
"Your rigid body, I cannot deny,
Can surely make a grown man cry
'Tis your masculine backside
Where I want to make a head-first slide.
Won't you take me to this La Isla Bonita
We can have a three-way with my friend,
Seems like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing my love
Over the Borderline."