The Sports Hernia Blog

Hey, that's the other crappy Curry

(click image to enlarge)

That's actually the other Curry, the bald one that also comes off the bench. 

ESPN has already fixed it though, but I'm sure it was fun for Knicks fans to pretend Eddy Curry was ever this happy.

Bird Selig is clearly not a focused man

The instructions for Bases Loaded?  Seriously?  For the love of god Bud Bird, get your shit together.

Just hit the 'A' and 'B' buttons in between worm feedings, you'll figure it out. 

The Bird Selig archives:

It's endless fun with Bird Selig
Which face will Bud Selig make when Bonds breaks the record?
Bud Selig finally admits relation Sam the Eagle
Report: Bid Selig 100% bird, not human
Selig rips an undead fart

Creepy face painter guy is back!

We covered this mysterious corporate face painter over the weekend at The Big Lead , but we never thought we'd see him again.  He's there like this every night?  We don't see his girlfriend though, we're guessing he used her free poncho to help dispose of the body.

Sunglasses and face paint in the pouring rain to go along with second row seats.  Who is this guy?

Maybe he's sending a not-so-veiled message to these dudes, you know, red vs. white, just like the turf war between NWO Wolfpack and the NWO.

Anyone with knowledge of this man beyond 'he's just there to taunt Mushnick', is much appreciated. Another pic after the jump...

Danielle Sargent, huge fan of the NFL

UPDATE: The video is no longer available but Sargent said to Singletary, "I heard Bill Walsh was the first to call and congratulate you." Errrrrrr, yeah.

UPDATE #2: The video still works if you go directly to the YouTube link.

UPDATE #3: Video here works again. Not that you care anymore.

Well done!  Here are some other poignant words Danielle could've said to other league personalities if Fox had the ability to transport her all over the country yesterday:

"Eli, I know this win against the Steelers means the world to you.  What will you say to Wellington?"

"Coach Lewis, you guys just lost to the Texans 35-6.  Do you think Paul Brown is happy he's dead?"

"So Darth Raider, you're 2-5 now and have roughly 20 wins in your last 90 games.  Are you surprised Al Davis isn't dead yet?"

"Way to pull out the victory, Chad.  What would be your first words to Dan Marino if he were still with us today?"

"Ok Rod, let's cut to the chase, William Clay Ford has been dead since the mid 90s, right?"

"The Rams have shown considerable spunk since you took over for Scott Linehan, has Georgia Frontiere offered you a brumski yet?

HT: Hot Clicks

Emotional Bucs player embraces ex-teammate Brad Johnson

This is nothing compared to what Jeff Garcia did to him, and they didn't even play together.

**Gay joke quota for the day has been met**

Sports Hernia rummages through SI Vault, finds Testaverde's old 'fro

In an effort to spread The Sports Hernia across the interwebbage like hair across John Runyan's back, Andy Gray who oversees Sports Illustrated's free online archive The Vault, was kind enough to ask us to list some of our favorite SI articles of all-time... check it out.

Make sure you also check out the great lists compiled by blogging maestros Free Darko and Hugging Harold Reynolds.

Jimmy Rollins really got tagged on that one

How in the name of David Fisher did they get the glove out?  And how the hell did Rollins find the strength to stay in the game and get three hits? 

If that was Gary Sheffield, it's safe to say the promising, engaging young talent that is Evan Longoria would no longer exist today.

UPDATE: The Fightins' were as aggressive as Longoria's horny glove, they had this up much earlier.  Nice work, guys.

Mushnick's Friday blowtorch: Mortensen, Caray, Francesa

On Mortensen logic:

Chris Mortensen was brought in to discuss punitive action against Chiefs' RB Larry Johnson, accused of assaulting a woman... Mortensen speculated that Chiefs' coach Herm Edwards is unlikely to allow Johnson to slide.  After all, Mortensen concluded, Edwards is the father of two daughters.  Huh?  Assaulting women is a depends-on-your-point-of-view issue?  Had Edwards been the father of two sons he reasonably would be more likely to overlook or even excuse Johnson's conduct?  What if he had one of each; would he be on the fence?  One needs to be the father of daughters to grasp the gravity of - or even over-react to - such charges?

Consider this a verbal wedgie from Mushnick, Mort.  Been a banner week for ESPN. 

On the genius of Chip Caray:

When the Rays' Rocco Baldelli singled in a run during Game 7, Caray didn't have to say a word.  But he followed the comments of analyst Buck Martinez by hollering, "And how big are two-out hits in the postseason?!"  How big?  Well, two-out hits are big in the regular season, too - provided that they are.  But that wasn't the problem. When Caray shouted his two-out two cents response to Baldelli's RBI single, there weren't two out, there were none out!

Later, Caray referred to the game, a Game 7 - the decisive game of the series - as "a pivotal game," as if there would be a Game 8, as if the winner would take the lead.

We love two-out base hits when there are actually no outs, because if it feels like there are two outs, it feels so much more clutch.  Get porked, Caray.

On the mind-blowing consistence of Mike Francesa:

Mike Francesa on WFAN, Wednesday, called it "comical," how people in the media have tried to let everyone know how tight they are with Brett Favre.  Yeah, we know exactly what he means. There's this guy on a New York station who pulls that stuff with Bill Parcells, among many others.

Cue to the ugly sight of Francesa and Parcells laughing it up with their pants pulled over their respective groin guts.

And now cue to the chant slowly gaining steam throughout Hernia Headquarters:

Mushnick Mushnick Mushnick Mushnick!

MORE OF THE LAME FROM ESPN  (New York Post)

Kruk’s hair rises to the occasion under October spotlight

We’ve seen a lot from from Krukie and his hair over the past year and change, but it looks like our buddy’s buddy has taken a cue from Manny Ramirez and found that rare zone under circumstances where the stakes couldn’t possibly get any higher -- October baseball.

Has the presence of his beloved Phillies caused this latest flowing masterpiece?  Or could it be the absence of unforgiving wind gusts in Tampa's air-controlled dome?  Or is it that his hair has been playing possum all season long, knowing full well Kruk would make it to the October stage, and has waited for this very moment to pounce on America like Superfly Snuka?

Whatever it is... actually, what the hell is it?  Here are some guesses, but feel free to chime in with what you might call the look you see here:

• Poindexter up front, Chewbacca in the back
• Beertini up front, keg of moonshine in the back
• Danny Zuko up front, King Slender in the back
• Brown Twizzlers up front, hairy marshmallows in the back
• Class picture up front, Smokin' in the boys room in the back
• 1998 Steve Phillips up front, revolting inmates in the back

***

Kruk's checkered hair history in chronological order:

John Kruk kicks off 2007 season telling stylist to "give me the Melrose with a splash of Giambi"
Update: Kruk's condition worsening
Update: Jailbreak inside John Kruk's mullet sprouts sudden perm
Kruk's hair stuck in a monsterous slump
Kruk kicks off 2008 season with unkempt Ewok look
Kruk's flaccid hair stuck in typical July slump

Tom Brady's surgery has taken a few tries already

Editor's note:  This post should probably be read with the theme music from People's Court playing... 

 

***

Interestingly enough, women everywhere are now seeking out Dr. Nick Riviera for letting him make Tommy's physique go to shit.

Dr. Nick however, deferred all media inquiries to his high priced, obnoxious lawyer.

Tom Brady Suffers Setback  (Boston Herald)