It's a sad day in Wrigleyville today as bars in the surrounding area were pretty much forced to go along with the city’s new "seventh inning break rule" for the Cubs’ upcoming playoffs. The "voluntary" rule follows the actions of the actual ballpark itself, meaning no alcohol is served from the end of the seventh inning to the end of the game, during games in which the Cubs have an opportunity to clinch.
This of course will automatically translate to people not drinking like crazy after the game, because those two pivotal dry innings will have provided the needed clarity to make the right decision and head on home.
That or get people will be so hyped to drink again, the only way to find out where their night took them is to follow the puke path.
Here's a look at the fallout of the new rule and how some of the bars are handling it.
Other new stipulations:
- No boinking in the ladies room (men's stalls still permitted)
- No ball tricks
- No blacking out; if you're blacked out, you must return for this period of time
- No throwing ice cubes into cleavage
- No cheering someone on to throw ice cubes into cleavage
- No thinking about baseball for at least 15 minutes
- No sneaking ass squeezes when your girlfriend/wife isn't looking
- No dry humping the shot girl
- Must remove drinking helmets
- Must have a polish, brat or beef in your mouth during this timeframe
Things that might happen in those two sober innings:
- Cats will be saved from trees
- You'll remember to feed your dog Santo
- It will finally hit you: Jeanine Lewis was the one, true love of your life!
- The lyrics from Edwin Starr's "War" song will finally hit you: "War! What is it good for Absolutely nothing!"
- Look at that, you just solved a
Bonuses of new rule:
- 6th inning is now the 15-for-1 beer special plus 5 free shots at every bar in Wrigleyville
- Innings 1 through 5 are now 'what-the-fuck free everything' innings