8am-8:03am Morning heist of the Sirius Radio Dog's coveted snausages.
the entire remaining schedule of the Kansas City Royals. Unfortunately there will be no Francesa there to say, "That's a tough schedule there Dog, a tough
schedule, maybe they play the spoiler in some spots, but that's tough, that's a tough one, that's a
tough schedule there." (Note: A different shitty team's schedule will be read each day).
10:01am-11am Point-by-point recap of his latest tennis match; preview of the 2010 Wimbledon.
11:01am-12pm Point-by-point recap of
early morning tennis match with ping pong table folded up against the wall. "I surprised myself with a wicked forehand. Unfortunately, it came right back in my face. BAWAHAWAHAWAHAHA!!"
Reading and insightful commentary of Springstein setlists from every single show played during the 1984 "Born in the USA" tour. Accompanying convincing clips to be played during riskier, weaker arguments.
3:01pm-4pm Montage audio feast
of Mad Dog saying "Willie" a million times, with the two LL's rolling off his tongue like
the Road Runner speedily escaping Wile E. Coyote. Dog will also fit in a spot or ten where he can trash Wilpon ownership for firing Willie.
4:01pm-4:15pm Interview with SI's Jon Heyman and conclude the segment by telling him, "Nice job Jon. That's a great job there by Jon Heyman. Nice spot, great spot."
4:16pm-6:30pm Intentionally say things that will piss off Phil Mushnick.
6:31pm-6:34pm Dissection of a random parking attendants car maneuvering ability in a 'big spot'.
6:35pm-3am Continuous loop of classic 'Dogisms - Disgrace! Atrocious! Terrible job there! Gotta give me somethin' 'dere, show me somethin'! Whaddaya have! Let's take a look at the shheejool (schedule). Get him outta the league!!!
3:01am-8am For no apparent reason, just like everything else, John Minko aka Kermit recites every D-1 football schedule, game by game.
As previously reported last week, NBA sideline ogler Craig Sager was thrown out of China after security guard dogs picked up traces of weapons-grade plutonium emanating from one of his many hideous suits.
Spain’s synchronized swimmers have been banned from wearing a swimsuit with embedded waterproof lights which they had hoped would give an extra sparkle to their Olympic routine.
“It got very sophisticated because obviously the battery doesn’t last long and then we had to look at circuits and interrupters, so we have been working on it around two months with a crack team,” swimmer Andrea Fuentes said.
“It looks a bit like Christmas lights,” added the Spaniard.
While they don't mention Sager specifically, they did mention Christmas lights, which is certainly proof enough that Sager was behind the design and funded the flawed production.
German weightlifter Matthias Steiner (which we think is a typo, his first name is clearly Slothenhogan) celebrates with his coach here after winning the gold medal for lifting an assload of weight.
The two graceful gents are already set to take on Tugboat and Earthquake in tag team steak boxing, which is just as it sounds, 96oz. steaks will be tied to their wrists as they punch the crap out of each other until the entire ring collapses.
These two images above are actual photos released by the AP. So take note, to follow any of the women's Olympic events you don't you need to know which countries are racing, you don't need to have a clue who's winning, screw it, you don't need to know anything, just feast on those legs, pal.
It's no wonder the camera pit for the long jump was overstuffed with 116 extra media credentials, mostly composed of bald and pervy looking dudes, all hopeful to be lucky enough to snap shots like this. Awkward boner count in the pit? A safe 113:
While the appearance of the Chinese "women's" gymnastics team continues to creep the hell out of all of us, more age speculation has begun to surround the U.S. men's basketball team and one, Chris Paul.
You could argue that he only looks like a toddler here because he's being hugged by LeBron, who as we all know, ages in decaying tree years. But this isn't even a bad photo of LeBron and yet Paul still looks like he could easily be Bron-Bron's little cousin Ray-Ray who was invited onto the court for a playful shootaround.
And the cousin thing might even be giving him too much credit, he looks like a talking doll that LeBron is eagerly pulling the string on so as to hear the next wisecrack.
That, or he was simply zapped by the same shrinking gun that lists BeetlePierce and BeetleFiggins as some of its top casualties.
Another year, and another round of sizzling new features for the wildly popular Madden gaming series. Just like last year, the Hernia mole was able to get an advanced copy and unlock many of the new exciting features. Here's his report:
Play even more online games with the new "I'm never getting laid" mode.
Print out a picture of your worst enemy and paste in on the game's cover for your very own voodoo case!
Unlock secret mode with the Steelers & Browns to play Excitebike with Big Ben and Lieutenant Winslow
Ultra-Realistic Gameplay: Unless you trade him out of New Orleans, Jeremy Shockey will go on the DL by Week 3 (gonorrhea)
New Wii edition comes with life-like replica of Jets center Nick Mangold's crotch to take all snaps from
Compete in preseason boxing matches with Steve Smith
New "Pacman Tank" feature allows Cowboys to acquire any and all active criminals
Choose from over 14 different in-season Tony Romo distractions to play with
New feature let's you upload your current fantasy football roster as
your team, once this is complete you will immediately be mailed the
Super Madden Masturbating Kit, since you won't see a vagina for the
next 10 years
Put on the Spanish language feature and laugh as the announcer refers to Chad Johnson as "Eight Five."
N.Y. Jets now included in game!
Hit L1, trigger and R2 at the same time and watch Jason Taylor change outfits, raise his arms and dance, dance, dance!
Due to licensing issues, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to be replaced on sidelines with Skeksis
Exciting new 11-on-3 Emmitt Smith "get debacled" mode.
Go undefeated for the season and play bonus game of Contra with your two favorite NFL gun-toting assholes.
Fuck it: Chicago Bears don't even have a QB on their roster
More engaging preseason mode that lets you select where to have your team hooker party; on a boat or at Dante Culpeppers mansion.
Play one game with the 18-0 Patriots!
Left-Right-Up-Down-Left-twirl-A-B-A-O-L-R unlocks Bill Belichecks MILF mistresses bra (to which can be placed on Belicheck's head or manboobs)
Win the Superbowl with the Detroit Lions and literally become the next head coach of the Lions
Nothing changes an average game like Betting Online. When you have a stake in the outcome of a contest, a typical match can become a memorable event. One might say that it's even more fun than a sports hernia...
and you could come away with some extra cash! The only better feeling than winning is having extra pocket money.