The Sports Hernia Blog

Stuff Athletes Like

Piggybacking on the popularity of the hilarious website "Stuff White People Like", The Sports Hernia has launched several of its own logical spinoffs, including StuffAwkwardWhiteCentersLike.com and StuffLatinoSoccerPlayersLike.com.  Here's a look at what various sectors of the sports world 'like':

Stuff Awkward White Centers Like
- Sucking
- Fouling
- Missing
- Bitching
- Jon Koncak
- Guaranteed contracts
- Short shorts
- Unruly hair
- Tennis shoes

Stuff Latino Soccer Players Like
- Shoving matches with opponents
- Shoving matches with referees
- Shoving matches with fans
- Shoving matches with themselves
- Slap fights
- Cocaine
- Diving

Stuff People at ESPN Like
- Red Sox
- Groping
- Duke
- Boo-yahs
- Ultimate Highlights
- Hot Seats
- Poetry Jams
- Interns
- LeBron
- Toupees

Stuff Foreign Basketball Players Like
- Shooting
- Flopping
- Body Hair
- Nodoro
- Grimacing
- Letting opponents go by them
- Zone defense
- Moving without the ball

Mustache guy in new Yankee Stadium renderings said to be related to Sal Fasano

Renderings of the new Yankee Stadium have been floating around the past few days and while many have simply marveled at what they've seen, others have zeroed in on the interesting fella that somehow managed to make two appearances in the set of 17 slides. 

According to those in the know, that extra appearance was no mistake, the gentleman you see below is related in some capacity to former Yankee backstop Sal Fasano. 

Now 'related' could certainly mean any number of things -- from brothers to cousins to one of Sal's Pals to two guys with mustaches that once competed in a Stromboli chugging race -- but the intent focus he's been able to maintain in both shots here is a clear indication to us that he's related to the beloved catcher with cat-like reflexes.

A look at our old friend Sal during his last stint in the majors after the jump...

Jemele Hill makes us all feel smart again

ESPN Page 2 writer Jemele Hill enlightened us again recently with an article about the apparently racially distasteful Vogue cover featuring LeBron James and Gisele Bundchen.  Highlighted below are some of her insightful thoughts as well as some of our own, as we've been kind enough to help her make even more sense of them.

She looks like she's on her way to something fashionable and exciting. He looks like he's on his way to a pickup game for serial killers.
Funny you should mention that Jemele, because as soon as I saw that LeBron cover, I thought to myself, there's the missing piece to my all-serial killer team.  With Jeffrey Dahmer at power forward, Manson running the point, Bundy at center, Dexter Morgan at shooting guard and Rae Carruth for some support off the bench, I finally have a killer squad!

But Vogue's quest to highlight the differences between superstar athletes and supermodels only successfully reinforces the animalistic stereotypes frequently associated with black athletes.
Is that why they called Leon Lett "the big cat"?  Those bastards.

LeBron and Gisele strike poses that draw striking resemblance to the racially charged image of King Kong enveloping his very fair-skinned lady love interest.
King Kong was "racially charged"?  If you know anything about anything, you'd know the King Kong character was a subtle jab at Kelly Tripucka's body hair.

Too often, black athletes are presented as angry, overly aggressive and overly sexual. Or sometimes, they're just plain emasculated. The examples of this are endless. The 2002 Sports Illustrated cover that featured Charles Barkley chained like a slave. Ricky Williams wearing a wedding dress on an ESPN The Magazine cover in 1999.
Yes, that Ricky Williams in a dress cover was all of the above: aggressive, angry and overly sexual!  It totally gave women she-boners!

In fact, the shirtless black male athlete cover is pretty much a staple, reinforcing the idea that black athletes were blessed with physical characteristics, not mental ones.
But I thought we see guys like Iverson and Tupac shirtless so we can read the stories written on their chests?  I hear you though, I am so sick of seeing those pictures of Tiger with his shirt off!

Vogue deserves criticism, but more blame should go to LeBron and other black athletes, who need to exercise stricter control of their images.
I've got it!  LeBron, a lab coat and the affable Beaker on the cover of Science Weekly oughta repair his image.

And hey, what about the stereotype of Brazilian women being tall, beautiful models?  Anyone ever see "City of God"?  That place is crazy!  Anyone see "Brazil"?  Can you tell me what that movie was about?   

Donnie Walsh denies taking Knicks job, admits to sleeping in giant ashtray

Donnie Walsh denies deal with Knicks, no one believes him (Fanhouse)

CBS not taking any chances with Gus for Davidson game

Fearing a spastic explosion from announcer Gus Johnson, CBS executives have gone ahead and made arrangements for the frisky broadcaster to be physically restrained during Friday night's highly anticipated Davidson-Wisconsin game.

Yeti-strength tranquilizers are also said to be on the menu in the event that Davidson guard Stephen Curry goes off for 35 or if we're treated to a buzzer beater, two things CBS knows certain will hulk up Johnson enough to break the shackles and run around center court like the Tasmanian Devil.

The network had initially thought to remove Johnson from the game entirely, but cooler heads prevailed and were able to compromise on simply keeping him in shackles, so as not to disappoint the viewers that enjoy Johnson's energetic style.

Len Elmore, who teams with Johnson, sounded relieved after hearing of the unorthodox move.

"I love Gus, I really do," said the understated Elmore, "but as soon as I heard we were assigned to the Davidson game, my mind started racing.  I thought to myself, this could be the game where Gus truly loses his mind.  What do I do to combat him if the excitement finally overtakes his soul?  Thankfully, the heady folks at CBS stepped in."

Johnson's most famous explosion occurred in the 2006 NCAA Tournament when UCLA made an improbable comeback against Gonzaga in the final seconds, causing Johnson's head to rotate 720° before detaching itself from his body, hopping the announcers table and landing on coach Ben Howland's left shoulder for an exclusive postgame interview.

Hockey world finally honors Hanson brothers in chaotic emotional tribute

Somewhere in central Pennsylvania the Hanson brothers are taking a break from playing slot cars and watching these highlights while happily belting each other in the face.

Pretty sure that's former standout goalie for the Charestown Chiefs Denis Lemieux that forced the action with the other goalie. 

Nobody Puts Baby Roy In a Corner (Deadspin)

White guy on Arkansas takes casual use of headband to unreasonable level

It's pretty safe to say that somewhere in California Rob Johnson is lounging at his house on the beach, slowly nodding and quietly whispering to his television, "thank you, no really, thank you."

Hibachi sneaker just the latest in strange endorsement deals

Adidas and Benihana teamed up with Gilbert Arenas to launch a line of sneakers, since it’s well-known that Arenas often shouts “ hibachi” after hitting a shot (no, we’re not making this up).

While this deal is certainly bizarre, it might not be the strangest professional athlete-corporate endorsement pairing.  Here are some others:

• Fredric Weis with Lipton Tea-bags
• A.C. Green’s Chastity underwear
• Julian Tavarez as the signature face for Proactiv Solution
• Dante Calabria's Gillette sponsored shaveable sneaker
• Chris Kaman’s life-size Hasbro action figures
• Mutombo for Champion's new line of Industrial Strength Tube Socks
• Van Gundy as the new face of Magnum condoms
• Sean Kemp’s ill-fated Invisible Condoms
• Chris Sabo's unbreakable Welding Goggles
• Joe Kleine's quickly recalled Pizza Hut Stromboli sneakers
• Victor Page's personalized line of brooms
• Mark Kelso and Huffy's Olympic-sized biking helmet
• Chuck Finley's Psycho Wife Repellent Spray
• Onterio Smith and The Whizzinator © 
• Kelly Tripucka's controversial Velcro Shirts
• Dan Marjele's wildly popular Ass Fishing pole
• Jack Sikma's waterproof hair straightener

Chris Berman's breasts and belly create a sad, sad face

We've all seen a depressed rack before, but nothing that quite screams "I give up" like these deflated flapjacks.

Chris Berman, Jammin’ in a Bathing Suit (The Big Lead)

Manny Ramirez is...

... saying a prayer before Seacrest announces eliminated contestant.

... seeing if it's really true and politely ordering a Royale with Cheese in France.

... praying Enrique Wilson is somehow part of the Japan trip.

... morphing into Jim Brown.

... just being Manny.

... offering his assistance to the Dalai Lama.

... about to effortlessly chop through 6 giant blocks of ice, much to the dismay of the gambling crowd.

... greeting members of the Oceanic 6.

... disobeying Tom Cruise.

... about to take his vitamins and possibly train, as his prayers have already been said.

... watching a heated episode of Tom & Jerry and praying for the safety of Jerry.