We all know this story will be coming soon, so let's just get it out of the way.
- Bruised spirit
- Hit in the head by stray Nerf ball
- Case of photosensitivity
- Reconstructive street clothes surgery
- Got a new couch
- Recovering from lasik
- Shoelaces stuck in toilet again
- Bruised bruises
- Holding out for coveted Wonka tour
- PogoBall incident
- Accidentally put two PocketPak Breath Strips in his mouth at once
- Started video game Pavano on Opening Day and left in the first with injury
- Beach house with Matt Clement is just too much fun
- Zimmer almost tackled him
- Stood up too fast and got that weird head rush
- Can't seem to find that good hair day we all strive for
- Fed himself to a giant plant
- Steve Howe snorted him
- Brain freeze via delicious snow cone
- Busy playing army with John Larroquette
- Accidentally got tied up in chains and thrown in Crystal Lake
- Ruptured Dorsal nasal artery after learning the deadly "Torre nose pick"
- Shattered pelvis after spending night with Alyssa Milano
- Because his hat was pulled down too low, smacked his head on low-hanging tree branch
