Big Ben currently wondering if, much like when Cleveland's
Cuyahoga River caught fire, the toxic crap in his hair will finally ignite...
Bulls coach Jim Boylan currently adding Drew Gooden amendment to already long winded hair policy...
Carl Pavano currently wasting perfectly good oxygen somewhere...
Hank Steinbrenner currently addressing reporters through haze of smoke...
Currently hoping for someone in spring training to charge the pitching machine...
Manny Ramirez currently texting Ruben Sierra new Salsa ringtone...
Gary Sheffield currently 'dishin straight' on someone...
Yankees camp currently dead after Girardi sponsored bare knuckle boxing cardio...
Mark Prior currently using pitching arm as Wïï controller...
Ozzie Guillen currently berating busboy for mistaking him for being a busboy...
Every NBA beat writer currently wearing a replica Vecsey beard...
Pete Rose currently canceling 10 am tee time with Satan...
Devil Rays currently having problem coming up with reasons not to name a local Hooters waitress as 5th starter...
Todd Jones currently applying mixture of jizz and used motor oil to his creepy facial hair...
Bill Belichick currently cheating on his tax returns...
Justin Tuck currently eating live lion for lunch...
Royals fans currently looking ahead to the year after next year...
Rays and Marlins fans currently trading lives and then shrugging...
