The Sports Hernia Blog

Buzz is palpable for NHL's outdoor game in Buffalo

Penguins and Sabres brace for cold in NHL outdoor tilt (AFP)

Sixers trade Korver so they can release humorous 'dude' photo

Despite several media outlets reporting the Philadelphia 76ers made their recent trade "just for the fuck of it,"  our Philly insider claims the true intent behind the deal was simply a shameful excuse to share this glorious 'dude' photograph with the rest of the world.

While trading a nondescript white dude for a foreign nondescript white dude definitely sounds like a "just for the fuck of it" kind of deal, it's hard to argue that they weren't absolutely dying for this photograph to get some run.

The image alone warrants a lifetime membership to the Walton family teepee.

Spaulding Smails, alive and well

Snaring floaters off of random dinner tables...

Snaring fumbles off of football fields...

Fumble! Everybody on it, including stepsons (Deadspin)
Bowl season doesn't officially start until something crazy happens (Awful Announcing)

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Thanks to Deadspin for the amazing screengrab

The Top 40 Sports Figures of 2007

About a month ago we were asked by Jamie Mottram to participate in a Yahoo! Sports blogger survey on the 10 sports figures -- athletes, coaches, media types, etc. -- that we blogged about most in 2007.  Needless to say, we were honored to be included among the participants.

The Top 40 list, which is now up over at Yahoo! Sports, was compiled based on responses from 47 different blogs, and while it features the usual suspects, a few mentions did surprise us (we're lookin' at you Norv Turner).

Thanks again to Mr. Mottram for including us, we had a good time looking into the archives and patting ourselves on the back. 

Here are the Top 10 we submitted:

10) Brian Engblom
Once the keyboard player for Flock of Seagulls, the frisky Versus studio analyst defied the odds by challenging and overtaking Barry Melrose for the throne of most absurd hockey-hair.  Simply put, he shocked the world.

9) Manny Ramirez
Continues to defy fashion critics with a bold fusion of Milli Vanilli and Battlefield Earth, all while the Smurfs theme song plays happily in his head.  Also continues to have no concept of time, score, or what league he's in.

8) John Kruk
The season-long rift that was never quite resolved between Kruk and his temperamental hair captured our hearts during the opening week in April and unceremoniously ditched us in late October.  In short, we're excited for Opening Day.

7) Bud Selig
This Sam the Eagle, Dark Crystal look-a-like finds his way into our news just by showing up to the podium.  I mean, just look at this guy.

6) Eli Manning
Eli's ability to be photographed in the most awkward manner possible each and every week of the season has made him special around here.  His signature "coach's son-post-proctol exam" shrug hasn't helped matters much either.

5) Michael Vick
Secret weed compartments, being hunted by the Cleveland Dawg Pound, cartoon dog tournaments... to jail.  Ugh

Giants vs. Patriots: A future timeline

With CBS, NBC, NFL Net, A&E, TBS, SpikeTV and Starz all getting the green light to broadcast the highly anticipated Giants-Patriots slurpfest, we decided to spoil the fun a take a look ahead into the announcing orgy set to take place this Saturday night.

8:12pm - NFL Net's Jamie Dukes gets excited about something.

8:15pm - Moments before kickoff, Esiason breaks into New York's WWOR 9 local broadcast screaming "watch on CBS!" while occasionally trashing Sam Wyche and pointing to his johnson.

8:19pm - A chilly Joe Thiesmann is spotted in the last row of the upper tier doing an obscure gig for the PBS Sports channel.

8:20pm - CBS cameras pan to Don Shula enjoying first quarter action in one of the luxury boxes while the rest of the '72 Dolphins sit comfortably in his gut.

8:35pm - Jimmy the Greek and Howard Cosell are seen heatedly debating their anatomy on a broadcast for HellTV.

8:41pm - Outdoor Life Network broadcasts Junior Seau entering the field riding a surf board atop a wave of hair gel.

8:59pm - Phil Simms temporarily short circuits the NBC booth with his industrial strength blow dryer.  A deft Jim Nantz quickly relates this to the time Billy Packer's gas caused a double forfeit.

9:03pm - NFL Network airs commercial touting the academic credentials of "Rand U."

9:18pm - Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, disguised in Dumb and Dumber tuxes, take out Bryant Gumbel with their canes while Cris Collinsworth simply rotates his microphone a quarter turn so the Fox emblem now faces the camera.

9:31pm - NBC cameras catch Jersey native Tony Siragusa eating his way to the fifth row.

1994: Mutombo's world domination

Since there's nothing else happening besides the little man being out in Chicago and a whole lot of probing going on in the Clemens fiasco, here's a trip back to 1994 when Mutombo clutched and squeezed the basketball as if it was planet earth.  It's like he drank from the correct grail -- or just discovered it.

Post gets into Christmas spirit, rallies behind Eli

The expression on his face almost appears as if he knows the Post will end up doing something mortifying with the picture.  If he could only read defenses this well.

Sadly, we think Eli would have been a much easier sell as a Who from Whoville.

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Past Holiday love: Post gets into holiday spirit, takes it easy on the Knicks

Chris Kaman, a pendulum of emotion

The classic "you'll have nothing and like it" Spalding Smails tantrum.


And the "sweet moses, are those chocolate covered bananas" trance.

Goodbye Dan Marino

This doesn't even need words, but the crowd acknowledging the song killed us, as if to say "ahhhh yes, the classic."

A Preview of Toilet Bowls

The 2007 Bowl Season is upon us, so it is time to take a look at the upcoming month of non-stop excitement.  This season the selection committee had its hands full; with so many upsets this year they had to make some hard decisions.  And since Notre Dame has been left out of a bowl, there were rumors that every bowl game would be cancelled.  However, the Sports Hernia mole has seen reports of a possible clash between Notre Dame and the cast of Varsity Blues in Hawaii.  Can you imagine Moxon v. Claussen?  Those are two rare gunslingers.  The big question would be: Will anyone in the ND secondary be able to cover Tweeter?

Alright, enough with the rumors, we have to press on to the “reality” of the 600 upcoming Bowl games.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, San Diego - Utah vs. Navy, Dec. 20
The Flower bowl picked some great teams this year, a bunch of Mormons and gay sailors.  Prediction: 1,000 people show up to the stadium, 20 people watch on TV and both schools get millions of dollars.  The college bowl season, it’s faaaaantastic.

R+L Carrier New Orleans Bowl, New Orleans - Florida Atlantic vs. Memphis, Dec. 21
New Orleans bowl is played in, you guessed it, New Orleans.  Whatever, there’s always Bourbon Street.

Papajohns.com Bowl, Birmingham, Ala. - Cincinnati vs. Southern Miss, Dec. 22
This is one of my favorite bowl names.  Papa John’s website is sponsoring a bowl, not even Papa John’s the actual crappy pizza joint, but it’s fucking website.  Which leads to this question: When will thesportshernia.com bowl be played?  And who is worthy enough to play in this soon-to-be prestigious bowl?!  I’m guessing two shitdick football programs like Cincy and So. Miss.