In the wake of telling Joe Torre he's all but doomed unless the Yankees go on a miraculous playoff run, George Steinbrenner continued on his rampage this afternoon, sending bizarre ultimatums throughout the organization. Here's a look at some of the more entertaining messages.
Boss to Cashman: "Shave the combover or your fired."
Boss to Mussina: "Put that crossword away and look excited or I'll shred that Stanford degree."
Boss to Mattingly: "Grow that damn mustache back."
Boss to Guidry: "Just give your mustache to Mattingly."
Boss to Steinbrenner: "Enough talking through Rubenstein."
Boss to Costanza: "Get back in my office, I wasn't done yet, and where is my god damn calzone?!"
Boss to Hal: "You'll have nothing and like it."
Boss to Duncan: "Stop eating Matsui's helmets and stop asking me to give you a piggyback."
Boss to Giuliani: "I decree you the Mayor of New York City so we can win a championship."
Boss to Cashman again: "And if I find you hiding in Torre's nose, you're also fired."
Boss to Veras and Ohlendorf: "Who are you?"
Boss to Wang: "Me So Horny."
Boss to Steve Swindal: "Start billing to the Underhills or it's your ass, the tab is closed."