(DALLAS,TX) -- The search for missing NFL kicker Martin Gramatica is over, as the pint-sized Argentinian was found clinging for life, sandwiched between sideline reporter Tony Siragusa's butt cheeks, during yesterday's Dallas Cowboys game.
Gramatica, who stands at a deceptive 3ft 7inches tall and weighs 76 pounds, had been missing since his release from the Cowboys in late September. Family and friends feared he had taken the news hard and done something drastic after not hearing from him for weeks. Search parties were sent out high and far. Gramatica's brother Bill even quit his day job as a cockfighting rooster to search for his lost kin.
Finally, during a TV timeout yesterday, a FOX production assistant noticed a leg sticking out of Siragusa's pants. Siragusa brushed it off as "probably just a turkey leg", before realizing this leg had cleats on its feet. Within seconds, team officials and players were seen pulling a clearly frazzled and frail Gramatica out of the Gooses' rump before rushing him to a nearby hospital.
While they are still trying to find the game-film to support their claim, officials say Siragusa had simply sat on the kicker at some point during a September 30th game against the St. Louis Rams. This would be the first time an incident such as this has happened since Matt Bahr was swallowed up by Jumbo Elliot's ass-cheeks during a playful "leap frog" drill at a 1989 Giants practice.