Top Ten Things for Charlie Weis & Lloyd Carr to do on the sideline during Saturday's "Big Laughs" game other than flash the "someone is electrocuting my balls and it kinda feels good" face:
10. Stick M-80's in their nostrils and light the fuses after the 3rd turnover.
9. Play the opposite of strip coaching - each time a player does something asinine, the coach of that team has to put on another jacket (Weis wearing 15 puffy ND jackets by the 3rd quarter could be awesome).
8. Every time someone punts, simultaneously give each other the Degeneration X "suck it" sign.
7. Make Jimmy Clausen speak in the third person every time something bad happens, just like Jimmy did on Seinfeld. "Jimmy doesn't like getting hit from the blind side." "Don't. Touch. Jimmy!"
6. Stuff a giant meatball sub into a band member's tuba after they play the team fight song for the 500th time.
5. Holler in last minute plays using their own ass cheeks to convey the details, similar to Ace Ventura.
4. Right after the coin toss, switch sidelines and try coaching for the other team just to see if anything changes, or if anyone cares.
3. Live blog about how crappy the game is.
2. Invite Beano Cooke to the Notre Dame sideline to coach the quarterbacks alongside Ron Powlus.
1. Instead of calling plays, hold up a "Hi Tommy!" sign and see who he calls first, as he has a vested interest in both teams playing.