The 21 American women who were reported missing by family members and friends were discovered in China, competing in something called the "Women's World Cup."
Authorities remained skeptical Tuesday, following reports that the women beat another "team" from Nigeria, by a score of 1-0.
"We're not exactly sure what to make of this just yet," CIA agent John Wilkins said. "We are currently in discussions with an organization known as FIFA, in an attempt to bring these ladies home."
Wilkins said that this could be a highly intelligent scam engineered by China, an emerging superpower that stinks of communism and nuclear potential.
"So far we have seen no coverage of these 'games' - only strange photos - which give me great pause," Wilkins said. "For all we know, our lovely, hot American women could be involved in an international prostitution ring that would put Heidi Fleiss to shame."
Wilkins noted that FIFA has fully cooperated with the CIA and has even provided the agency with a glimmer of hope. "We have learned of something called a Red Card,' which we hope can send our women out of this sordid game and back onto American soil. God willing."