Rickey Henderson recently addressed the media in the 7th person following a baseball game in which a foul ball magically made it's fateful way into his hands, thus inspiring another comeback. As expected, the quotes are magnificent.
On catching the foul ball he surprisingly nicknamed Rickey:
"Showing 'em I've still got good hands. The ball found me. I was so quick."
....the ball also immediately hopped on Henderson's shoulder and politely nodded his head as Henderson continued his insightful points. We imagine him to be a very well-spoken chap-of-a-baseball: "Well hello, Mr. Henderson. I'm glad I found you. We have lots to talk about and lots more adventures to go on in the amazing world of Major AND Minor League Baseball. First, let's start by finding a team to play on..."
On being insane:
"I'm going to look at it at the end of the year. I might come out with some crazy stuff, a press conference telling every club, 'Put me on the field with your best player and see if I come out of it.' If I can't do it, I'll call it quits at the end."
....now this isn't that bad of an idea if he means wrestling everyone when he says 'put me on the field with your best player and see if I come out of it'.
On 45-year old hacks:
"I see Roger can come back and play. I can come back and play," the 48-year-old Henderson said. "They say I've done too much. What'd he accomplish?"
Let's see, 7 Cy Youngs, 2 World Series rings, an MVP, 348 career wins, second all-time in strike outs. Not much really, his career is average at best.
Clemens DID, however, address an entire stadium from the owners box recently. Please, please do this. Fuck the comeback, do a tour around the country at every ballpark where you address the crowd from the owner's box during the 7th inning stretch, unrehearsed of course.