(PHOENIX, AZ) -- Storied NFL draft guru and frightening condor Mel Kiper Jr. will become an even more familiar face this upcoming season as he has officially become the new logo for the Arizona Cardinals. The disturbing image is exactly what was behind ownership's philosphy. After years of getting urinated on in the NFC East, countless coaching changes, free agent bombs, a Gramatica, and almost no fans to speak of, they've simply run out of ideas.
"With the draft coming up, we needed something. We needed to get nasty, plain and simple," said marketing idiot Simon Beefstalker. "What better way to get nasty then to have 22 Mel Kiper heads on the field at once? Opponents will at least be a little more intimidated, possibly frightened, maybe even permanently scarred."
No confirmation yet to the rumor that the helmets will begin talking by Week 8.