A confused Jerry West took the podium Tuesday to announce he'd be stepping down as President of the Memphis Grizzlies, which apparently was his fantasy basketball team. What followed was one of the more entertaining farewell press conferences in recent memory, and the Hernia mole was there to catch it.
"I had a lot of fun tinkering with the roster every year, offering those crazy 10-team trades, bartering at times, posting funny messages on the league board," he explained while attempting to retrieve a text message. "Anyone know how you work these damn things? For two weeks it's been telling me I have 300 new text mesages. Anyways, it was a good ride. Especially with guys like Isiah and Billy King participating in the league, they'd always be up for those ridiculous offers."
West continued on, reflecting on some of his most memorable moments.
"I tell ya, that time I tried to offload Brevin Knight to Nellie for a razor scooter and TiVo was a doozy...so was the night I got all jacked up on Dr Pepper and Pixie Stix and called up Jerry Krause to trade entire rosters - straight up. Oh man, you should have heard his voice. But hey, I am the NBA and I do whatever I want. Seriously, who's on that logo? Yeah, that's right, it's J-West, the Big Guy. I'll be back once I get bored of fishing and offroading in the W VA."
Top 10 Warnings Signs that Jerry West was losing his touch
10. Drafted certified midget Troy Bell and a Duke guard (always a
smart idea), Dahntay Jones in the 2003 Draft
9. Referred to Pau Gasol as "Vanilla Shaq"
8. Wore old Batman TV costume in luxury suite and on team plane
7. Absent-mindedly referred to Jason Williams as "White Pudding"
6. Only spoke to Pau Gasol in Chinese
5. Referred to glory days in Laker management as "when Cookie Johnson was running the point"
4. Took several trips to Coney Island to scout Jesus Shuttlesworth
3. Asked Pau Gasol if he could wear his beard for a week
2. Signed Peter Vecsey to 10-day contract twice, only to have league void it
1. Stubbornly only hired coaches who formerly had a perm