New York Knick players and fans missed a glorious opportunity to beat the crap out of their horrible assbag of an owner, James Dolan, yesterday during the wild fight between the Knicks and Nuggets.
"We blew it, man" reflected a somber David Lee, "we had our chance, it was total choas. No one would've seen it. He was right there in the first row. I just want to apologize to all the fans in New York." Ironically, it was the Knicks fans who expressed the most regret.
"I can't believe it...We had him!", lamented a dejected Sal from Queens while standing on an overturned bucket of chicken from KFC during a bizarre impromtu press conference on the E train platform. "This is a dark day in Knick history. I just want to say I'm sorry to everyone in New York. I got so wrapped up in watching the brawl, I neglected to realize this was our chance to beat that fat sack of fat into next week. I just... I... (inaudible)..I can't..." whimpered Sal, who was then escorted off the bucket of chicken by a homeless man who went by the name Lexus Balls.
Carmelo "Stop Snitchin" Anthony made an impressive transformation in last night's Garden brawl from a member of Marlo's posse in HBO's The Wire, to a scurrying Jimmy Hart, frantically escaping the wrath of an unfazed Randy Savage.
The Cincinnati Bengals placed wide receiver "Dancing" Kelley Washington on injured reserve today for the remainder of the season, leaving his future with the team in doubt. Citing various injuries and more importantly, zero arrests, Marvin Lewis and Cincy's top brass placed him on the inactive list, leaving an open spot on the roster as they make their playoff push. Candidates rumored to be in the running to fill that roster spot include recently released team psychiatrist Lawrence Phillips, bat-shit crazy Dolphins receiver Marcus Vick, the honorable Bam Morris, and big Nate Newton.
Billy King, scared shitless he's going to make an embarrassing trade in the imminent Iverson deal, brought in Larry Brown as a consultant to sift through the multiple offers. Yeah, nothing like hiring the guy who reportedly lobbied hard for the Knicks to trade for Steve Francis, and whose known weakness throughout his career has been personnel decisions, to help an already hilariously bad situation.
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