In a stunning development, Hernia sources have uncovered that Donald Rumsfeld has resigned from his post as Secretary of Defense to become the new President of Basketball Operations of the New York Knicks. An unhappy Rumsfeld had clearly been distracted from his job the last few months and never really had paid much attention to the war in Iraq in the first place. Though an oblivious and heartbroken George W. Bush didn't want to let him go, the president couldn't live with seeing his good friend Rummy unhappy and consented to the move.
Sources within the MSG organization have revealed that snagging Rumsfeld was an obvious choice for James Dolan, who continues his incredibly successful quest of running the New York Knicks into the ground. Dolan has always been impressed with Rumsfeld's ability to not answer questions, toe the company line, and in general, be full of shit. It has also been revealed that Dolan was alarmed that current Knicks president, Isiah Thomas, was finally starting to make some sense. After a glowing recommendation from President Bush, Dolan's mind was made up, and announcement is expected to come in the next couple of days.
Interestingly, Isiah Thomas will stay on as head coach. But ex-FEMA head Mike Brown is rumored to take over if the Knicks have anything more than a two-game winning streak.